BottleOfBlog

We Interupt This Nightmare For The Greatest Game On God's Green Earth

My good friend Donna gets her head right and encourages me to do likewise:

Yeah, that's all sucky and everything, but let's talk college football.

Donna, how is it that you are in Oklahoma and I have squandered my long single life on the eastern edge of this continent? 

All my life, I've waited for a woman to say those words to me.

Can you believe that dipshit Bomar?

Donna is talking about this dipshit Bomar and, no, I can not believe him.  And I know, I know--we're all supposed to feel some compassion and some sympathy and some empathy for these poor college athletes who slave under the tyrany of the NCAA, getting nothing in return except for an entirely free college eduction worth over a hundred thousand dollars at the best universities in the country, free room and board at those same universities, insanely obscene wild girl frenzies every night of the week with hormone crazed co-eds between the ages of 18 and 22, and the once in a lifetime opportunity to step out onto a football field in front of one hundred thousand screaming fans.  On network TV.

And play a game they love to play anyway.

I don't know how the poor kids stand it.   

Who the fuck names their kid "Rhett"?

I don't know.  Maybe Rhett, Sr? 

It could be worse.  Your dumbass quarterback could be named Jim Bob Cooter!

Though, if he was, he'd have to room with his nose guard, Booger Pickens.

Thompson was better anyway. I think the Sooners are going to kick ass this year!

Spoken like a true Democrat, Donna.  Full of optimism and hope, and like the rest of us Democrats, frankly, I think you're going to be brutally abused by some idiot out of Texas.  Though, I could be wrong.  Last year, for instance, I thought Penn State was going to be horrible.

How's Penn State shaping up?

Who knows? 

With Connor, Shaw, and Pozluskny...Pozsceleski?  Pozpepsi?  Possumupatree? 

Whatever.  They've got the best linebackers in the country.  And, if they took those three guys off the field, they've got three more linebackers behind them who could start for any school in the country.

And they've got two or three lightning fast wideouts.  They've got a QB with a rocket arm.  They've got a couple of backs who are good for a 1000 yards.

And they've got four guys on the O-line and three guys on the D-line who have never started.

And, oh yeah, their coach is a thousand years old.

I'll tell you after the Notre Dame game.

The Worst American Who Ever Lived, Part Whatever

President Bush explaining how science, one day, will be able mush Rice, Cheney, and himself into one single space-saving, executive moron.

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- President Bush declared Lebanon a front in the "global war on terrorism" Monday, equating the Israeli battle against Lebanon's Hezbollah guerrillas to the U.S.-led wars in Afghanistan and Iraq...

Bush compared the Israeli battle against Hezbollah with the American wars in Afghanistan and Iraq?  Wow.  I was not aware he used the words "forgotten", "bungled" and "horribly ill-conceived".

I bet the Israelis are pissed!

He warned Iran against meddling in both Lebanon and Iraq, where U.S. troops are battling a persistent insurgency and trying to stave off a Sunni-Shiite civil war more than three years after the 2003 invasion.

"In both these countries, Iran is backing armed groups in the hope of stopping democracy from taking hold," he said.

"The message of this administration is clear: America will stay on the offense against al Qaeda. Iran must stop its support for terror," he said…

Can you believe it?  Can you believe it?

Iran is now al Qaeda.

al Qaeda used to be al Qaeda.  Until Bush turned Iraq into al Qaeda.  Even though bin Laden himself called Saddam an infidel. 

And now, Iran is al Qaeda.  Even though bin Laden, a Sunni, hates the Iranians more than Saddam and calls them "Shia dogs".

The message of this administration is clear:  we don't give a flying fuck about al Qaeda.  At all.

And they don't.  They really don't.  al Qaeda is in Pakistan.  Under the protection of the Pakistanis. The worst nuclear proliferators in the history of the world--who do you think the Iranians got the nuclear technology from?--and whose ISI trained and armed and supported the Taliban. 

If al Qaeda is going to get the Bomb from anyone, it's going to be Pakistan.

But has Bush gone after Pakistan?  Hell, no!  Christ, he gave our "good friends" the Pakistanis another couple billion dollars in military aid to reward them for aiding and arming terrorists and passing out nuclear secrets.

In the last five years, the only people Bush has gone after are people bin Laden hates.  If you're in the Arab world, and you'd like to not be attacked by the Bush administration, the safest place for you to be is in al Qaeda.

Bush will never go after you, then.

The administration resisted international calls for an immediate cease-fire, which it said would not have addressed the underlying causes of the conflict.

"We want peace," he said. "We're not interested in process. We want results."

And because you're not interested in process, your results suck.  Where in the world does this jackass think results come from?  Banging his hand on the table and talking loud?

I bet Bush does want "results".  We all want "results".  Why wouldn't we?  An endless litany of failure gets a little boring after a while.

My God, isn't everyone sick to death of these idiots lecturing us on "results"  when they haven't managed, in six long years, to achieve one single decent result?  In anything?

Bush said Iran "provides Hezbollah with financial support, weapons and training."

"Iran has made clear that it seeks the destruction of Israel," he said. "We can only imagine how much more dangerous this conflict would be if Iran had the nuclear weapon it seeks."

Yes, because maybe then Hezbollah would have had a nukular weapon and they could have thrown it at the Israelis.  A couple hundred Palestinians could have gotten together, in parallel lines, and rocked a nuclear weapon back and forth and then, at the count of three, heaved it seven feet into Israel.

And I'm sure Hezbollah would liked to have nuked Israel.  Because then the Palestinians could have realized their dreams of returning to their ancestral homes.  In lead spacesuits.  And grown the world's biggest fucking olives.

Of course, you couldn't eat them for a hundred and twenty thousand years.

I'm not one to really throw around the "impeach" word that often.  Mostly, I just wanted this blithering, dishonest idiot and his insane, incompetent clown posse voted out of office.  And when that didn't happen, when Bush staged a surprising historic victory over the exit polls, I just wanted him politically crippled so he would stop destroying the federal gubment and creating chaos around the globe.

And he's been politically crippled.  He's the least popular president of all time.

And he's been politically and geopolitically humiliated.  He's been pantsed on the world stage.  And then underpantsed when he got home.

He's a disaster, wrapped in a catastrophe, inside a nightmare.

And he's got two years to do something--anything--right before America commemorates his presidency by minting butt plugs with his face on them so that Americans can continue to not only figuratively experience the painful national violation that was the Bush Administration, but we can do it literally as well.  Long after he's gone, but his debt and chaos remain.

For decades.

But he's incorrigible.  He doesn't care.  He hates Americans so much he'll say anything to them, he thinks we're so damn dumb.  And even if we're not, he's got so much contempt for the Power of the People, he probably gets a bigger kick out of lying right to our faces and getting caught, all the while knowing we can't do anything about it anyway.

Two hundred million Americans better show up in November.  Angry.  And informed.  Because this guy has got to go.

Rest Easy, America, You're In Good Hands

I think it's just terrific that the Democratic voters kicked Joe Lieberman off their ticket.  Though, I am a little surprised at some of the nearly hysterical rantings of liberal bloggers, who seem to think the press has done a crapass job of covering why Democrats have come to despise Joe Lieberman or what this primary is really about. 

Frankly, I think the press did a heckuva job covering the primary.  To me, the press seemed to be covering the whole thing with an almost September 12th kind of maturity and sobriety, and sincerity.  I was so proud to see our press, the guardians of our democracy focused solely on the issues, which nearly each and every reporter displayed an almost encyclopedic grasp of.  I was inspired by their dogged and relentless pursuit of each and every fact, no matter how trivial.  And I felt confident once more in the future of our democracy, knowing that a vigilant press was keeping The People well informed.

For instance, here's CNN reporting, last night, on Lamont's early lead:

That's some good work, don't you think? 

Not only can they not get the story right, they can't even tell you what they're telling you.

The Funniest...

...thing I've read since I read that thing about playing poker with Dick Cheney.

It's Time To Quit Blogging

Lou Dobbs is starting to make sense to me:

NEW YORK (CNN) -- This Republican-led, do-nothing Congress is on its way home for a five-week vacation. I'm sure while there, they'll be glad to explain to their constituents why they need so much rest in a year in which they will work fewer than 80 days.

The Republicans in Congress have little to brag about when they return home...

Well, that's not quite true, is it, Lou?  I mean, they did manage, at a time of record setting deficits amounting to a national debt of nearly 9 trillion dollars, for which they had to raise the debt limit for the fourth time in five years, to waste hundreds of thousands--if not millions or tens of millions--of taxpayer dollars calling for idiotically meaningless and childish and pointless votes on our national language, gay marriage, the Pledge of Allegiance, non-existant flag burning, taxing pimps and whores, and throwing up any conceivable roadblock they can come up with to raising the minimum wage for the poorest working Americans.

Oh, also, they approved another pay raise for themselves.

And they managed to do all that while there's a fucking war on!

No, not the one in Lebanon, which they've gone out of their way to ignore.  And, no, not the one in Afghanistan, which they haven't mentioned since they had to remind the Bush administration to not forget to remember it.  And, no, not the War on Terra, which Congress has spent so little time overseeing that the incompetent, croney criminals at the Department of Homeland Security were able to designate Petting Zoos, kangeroo conservatories, and bean festivals as more likely terrorist targets than New York City.

No, not those wars that Congress was completely doing nothing about, while giving themselves a raise.  I'm talking about the war in Iraq, the one costing taxpayers 300 billion dollars and twenty thousand crippled and dead soldiers, which Congress is also doing nothing about, while giving themselves a raise.

So, yes, this Republican Congress has been the worst legislative branch of our gubment in the history of what was once a pretty decent country, but, Lou, they haven't done nothing. 

As horrible as the Bush administration is, even it couldn't fuck the world and the country up so bad in such a short time by itself.  This Congress helped.

And the Democrats have a lot of explaining to do, as well. Once the party of the New Deal, Fair Deal and Great Society, the party of working men and women, the Democrats are now buried as deeply in the pockets of their corporate masters as are the Republicans.

The Democratic Party has played a major role in helping to pass legislation that is grossly injurious to middle-class Americans and their families. This Congress, Republican-led with complicit Democrats, has cut $13 billion in college-student aid, passed numerous free-trade agreements that threaten good-paying jobs and approved an unconscionable bankruptcy law written by credit-card companies that is nothing less than a federal government heel in the neck of American families bankrupted by catastrophic illness and crushing medical bills.

And all that's true.  And it's hideous.  And your "liberal" media hardly mentions it at all.  In fact, when The People your horrendous Congress is supposed to represent rise up, entirely on their own, and decide to throw out the bums who have been so complicit in this daylight robbery of your national treasury and the disgrace of your country's good name, your "liberal" media calls it an inquisition, a purge, a witch hunt, and a battle for the very soul of the Democratic party.

Well, there's no doubt that this has been the worst Congress in the history of the United States.  And there's no doubt that this horrendously corrupt and worthless, and often stupid Congress has been the indespensible enabler of the Worst President Evah.

And there's no doubt that many--far too many--Democrats have been complicit in the horrendous shit this disgustingly incestuous, inbred oligarchy has shoved down the throats of the unwilling majority of Americans.

But, Lou, the Democrats played a major role?  The Democrats cast deciding votes?

Lou, the Democrats couldn't stop shit if each and every single last one of them wanted to.

There's no major.  There's no deciding.  They've got 44 votes in the Senate and 201 votes in the House.  Christ, if they all called each other the night before and swore some kind of blood oath, they couldn't stop someone from closing a window on a hot day.

They can't do shit.

Is it wrong for a bunch of assholes like Leiberman and Biden to cast meaningless votes for the very worst gubment the American people have ever had to endure? 

Fuck, yeah.  And God have mercy on what's left of their corrupted souls.

But complicit? Did I say complicit?

You have to have the ability to stop something before you can become complicit in letting it happen.  Laying down while some lunatic drives a bulldozer over you is not exactly being complicit in your own murder.

No, Lou, you're still a crazy asshole. 

This lousy gubment, and its endless littany of appalling failures, is all on the modern Gee Oh Pee. 

Every pint of blood, every single trillion dollar.

What was I thinking?