White House Waiter Resigns

September 11, 2001, Andrew Card informs Bush of the unfolding catastrophe: "Mr. President, the kitchen is out of pickels!!!"

WASHINGTON - White House chief of staff Andrew Card has resigned and will be replaced by budget director Joshua Bolten, President Bush announced Tuesday amid growing calls for a White House shake-up and Republican concern about Bush’s tumbling poll ratings.

“I have relied on Andy’s wise counsel, his calm in crisis, his absolute integrity and his tireless commitment to public service,” Bush said. "And he brung me cheeseburgers when I told him. I relied on that, too."

Bush described Bolten as a man with broad experience, both on Wall Street and in Washington, including the last three years as director of the Office of Management and Budget.

“Josh is a creative policy thinker,” Bush said. “He is an expert on the budget and our economy. He is a man of candor and humor and directness. And he can tend bar, something Andy could not do.”

It's not going to help. The incompetence flows from the top down. There's only one guy who could resign and make the executive branch run any better at this point. And he ain't going back to Crawford just yet.

Comments

[Peacechick Mary]

I gave a crooked smile when Bush said "Card is more than a friend to me." Guess they'll miss the afternoon delight after this.

[Kit E]

Gee, and Bolton is obviously such an incredibly competent guy! Having just presided over the single greatest increase in the federal deficit at the behest of Shrub, he's now going to take that stunning display of talent to his new job! This should be great!

[aimai]

I wish you could make a bumpersticker that worked as well as your "there's only one guy who needs to resign" comment.

aimai

[ricky]

Well, to give Bush the credit due to him,on September 11th, after Andrew Card told him the kitchen was out of pickles for his cheeseburger, Bush did, at great personal risk, despite the fact that Air Force One was targeted, despite the fact that there was a "mole" in the Secret Service, Bush heroicly flew to a NORAD shelter in Nebraska and personally tapped the United States strategic stock pile of cheeseburger pickels.

He wuddn't about to let sum tinhorn tearist stop him from ettin' a cheeburger if'n he got his mind a set on it.

Bush is that brave.

Though, of couse, later, all that stuff about Air Force One and the Secret Service turned out to be a total, unfounded lie.

That still doesn't take away from Bush's incredible, masculine, selfless bravery.

He's my fucking hero!

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