The Dumbest Shit Ever

I know this isn't exactly timely.  But it took me a good week or so to calm down to being merely hysterical after watching this total fraud embarrass frauds all over the globe.

WASHINGTON - President Bush said Tuesday the decision about when to withdraw all U.S. troops from Iraq will fall to future presidents and Iraqi leaders, suggesting that U.S. involvement will continue at least through 2008.

No fucking shit.  Really?  Wow!  What a surprise!  What a bombshell! 

That kind of candor must have really shook the plaster off the ceilings in the corridors of power in
Washington!  It must have blown the Washington Press corps right off of their barstools!

Who could ever have imagined that American troops would be stuck in Iraq until Bush left the White House!!!  Who could ever have imagined that the bravest, most masculine, most resolute leader America has ever had would create, all by his lonesome, the biggest mess in American history and then leave it for someone else to deal with?

The pundits, the experts, the insiders--those in the know, with their fingers on the pulse of the heartbeat of America--and their thumbs up their asses--are womperjawed!

Major combat was over in--what?--May of 2003!  Rumsfeld was going to bring nearly everyone home by August!  There was nothing in Iraq but a bunch of dead-enders we were rounding up--torturing a little bit, maybe--but we were making good progress. 

We turned over sovereignty to the Iraqis in 2004.  The Iraqis had historic elections!  Republicans got purple fingers to celebrate! 

We built like a bazillion schools!  We built like a dozen schools for each and every Iraqi child.  We built so many schools, the Iraqis finally said, "No more fucking schools!"  Then, without any more schools to build, we painted the schools we already built.  Again, and again, and again.

We lost like 8 billion dollars building and painting schools.  All because Schlieffen once said, "Keep the right wing strong...and don't forget to build a lot of schools!"

Then the Iraqis had more elections.  They elected and elected and elected.  The Iraqis elected so many people, shit, they wound up with two vice presidents.

And still we made great progress.  We ended major combat.  The Iraqis "elected" a provisional gubment.  We killed Saddam's sons.  We caught Saddam.  We turned over sovereignty to Iraq.  The Iraqis "elected" a bunch of preznits and a Vice President to preside over each and every new school in the country.  The Iraqis "elected" a parliment.  The Iraqi Army swelled to 400,000 million elite counter insurgency storm troopers, shrunk to four guys who were probably working some local militia, and then rebounded to massive, well disciplined ranks who totally control the country, though can't ride the local bus for fear of winding up dead in a ditch.

Also there were more elections.  The Iraqis "elected" and "elected" and "elected".  And they got a Constitution, an entire article of which was dedicated to the construction of schools.  And they got a Motor Vehicle Code. They got civil rights.  They got newspapers.  They got way too many newspapers.  The newspapers started talking shit.  They had to shut down the newspapers.  But, to make up for it, each and every Iraqi was appointed Vice President.

Also, our Preznit held up a fake turkey!  Later, he levelled an entire city.  But not with the turkey.

Things were going great!  Just the way we "planned".

With all the straight shooting, with all the "truth squadding", who could ever have imagined that Bush and Rumsfeld, and Rice, and Cheney, Wolfowitz, and Myers and every single right wing "pundit" and blogger and FOX News and AM radio big mouth could be sooooo full of shit?

Bush will not end this disaster now.  He will not do it next year.  He will never do it all.  He doesn't have the guts or the character or the morality.  He will leave it to someone else.  And then, when someone smarter and braver and more responsible than him finally makes the hard decisions that this stupid and dishonest war requires, Bush will annoyingly criticize those decisions from his boozy hideaway in Crawford, all the while claiming he is above criticism of people smarter and braver and more responsible than him.

Amazing, isn't it?

Wait!  There's more!

No, of course, Bush is not going to voluntarily withdraw troops from Iraq. Bush knows that no matter what the cost in dollars or lives, he can maintain the status quo in Iraq until he leaves the White House.  Iraq won't get any better.  But it won't get much worse.  And he can leave that mess to the next president and no matter what happens, he and his insane clown posse can claim it's not their fault!  The next guy fucked it up!

Just like Nixon was going to "win" Vietnam, the Bushies will claim they were just about to "win" Iraq.

Either that, or Congress will finally have enough and force Bush to withdraw troops.  And, in that case, Bush will claim whatever happens is not his fault--Congress fucked it up!

But don't expect anything from Bush.  He's not about to take responsibility for the fiasco he's created.  He's going to make someone else do that.

Say it again!  It's amazing!

I may be the Greatest Blogger of All Time.

And what's really amazing about that is:  I'm not really even that good!

But maybe that's not really the amazing part.  Maybe what's really amazing is that a guy who from time to time drinks a few Rolling Rocks, farts around on Al Gore's internets, and doesn't work in the gubment, doesn't work in the Washington Press Corps, has never been to a Washington establishment cocktail party, and doesn't really even follow American politics that closely could see this coming looooong before it ever even came out of the Cretin In Chief's mouth.  Long before our "liberal" media was shocked at the long term potential disaster Iraq was going to be.

Acknowledging the public’s growing unease with the war — and election-year skittishness among fellow Republicans — the president nonetheless vowed to keep U.S. soldiers in the fight.

“If I didn’t believe we could succeed, I wouldn’t be there. I wouldn’t put those kids there,” Bush declared.

As horrible as he is, I just love what an absolutely oblivious idiot Bush is.  No matter what kind of disaster Bush creates, no matter what kind of world-wide angry astonishment his stupidity ignites, Bush dimwittedly says, "You have to unnerstan':  I think blah, blah, blah...I believe blah, blah, blah..."

Christ, what a jackass.

Dude, you're long past the hero on the pile of rubble stage!

No one cares what you believe. They only care if you have a reason for believing what you insanely and ridiculously keep believing.  And obviously you don't.  Or you wouldn't keep saying, "Hey, even I, the Bubble Boy, realize this looks really, really bad, but I believe..."

He also stood by embattled Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld.

“I don’t believe he should resign. He’s done a fine job. Every war plan looks good on paper until you meet the enemy,” he said…

See what I mean?

He believed he had "darn" good intelligence.  He believed Brownie was doing a heck of a good job.  Hell, he still believes he was elected Preznit in 2000!

Someone, please, for the sake of all things holy, please tell this idiot that not everyone gets their news from FOX!  And when he keeps saying that he believes things that are objectively, obviously, screamingly untrue, he doesn't reassure the American people.

He frightens us.

It ain't the "liberal" media that's got his approval ratings in the thirties.  It's the growing fear that we've got an insane, incompetent, bullshitter running the gubment.

“Nobody likes war. It creates a sense of uncertainty in the country,” he said. “War creates trauma.”

What an imbecile. 

In the long list of things that are horrible about this guy, this is probably, like, number twenty five:  he and his whole incompetent administration are sooooo stupid that it took the lot of them their entire grown-up lives and five years in the White House to learn the simple lessons of two hundred years of American history and ten thousand years of human experience have already dropped in their laps.

Other people already did the hard work.  And, because they knew imbeciles might follow, one day, in their footsteps, they wrote it down so even if you were an oblivious, ignorant fool who was too damn dumb learn a single thing from a lifetime of experience, you could just read what they wrote.  And get smart quick.

But the Bush people don't read shit.  And, therefore, remain helplessly, hopelessly stupid.  And have to reinvent the Segway every time Bush feels inclined to impossibly fall off it.

And yet these people, who are wrong about everything, who are ignorant of everything, who are only now learning things that everyone knew years ago, keep talking to us like we're three years old.

Bush does it.  Rice does it.  Cheney does it.  Rumsfeld does it.  They keep telling us stuff like "Things happen" and "Freedom is messy" and "War creates trauma" and ridiculously stupid shit that we, Americans, have known since we actually were three.  But the Bush people say this inane, blather like they're doling out pearls of wisdom to us because the Bush people have just learned this crap recently.

It's been five years of listening to an assortment of overpaid, self-satisfied jackasses get on television and say, "People have got to unnerstan' that if you got two apples and two oranges, you got yerself four fruit.  But, and people got to unnerstan', apples and oranges are different fruit."

The "liberal" Washington Press corps thinks Helen Thomas is rude.  I think Helen Thomas is old.  I watch her and all I can think is:  Helen, ask the question:  "Mr. Idiot, thank you for telling us, once again, how dumb you are.  Did you get that little insight into war from the History of Salt?  But my real question is:  when you're a history major at Yale, is it a core curriculum requirement that you ever attend a class?  Does Yale even require that, as a Yale student, you ever even set foot in New Haven?"

Here's the big finish, though:

Later in the news conference, Bush was asked whether there would come a day when no U.S. forces are in Iraq.

“That, of course, is an objective. And that will be decided by future presidents and future governments of Iraq,” he said.

Worst President Ever.

What a coward and a disaster.

This may be the single worst thing an American preznit has ever said.  And this preznit has said a whole lot of shameful things.

This is a guy who calls himself a "War Preznit".  This is a guy who's supporters have worshipped him as a decisive "leader".  This is a guy who says he makes decisions in the Oval Office with War on his mind.  And this is a guy who has "led" the country into two wars and not even had the decency to give up a single month long vacation to even try to win either of them.

And after two thousand dead Americans, 17000 horribly wounded ones, after 300 billion taxpayer dollars, for a war his administration campaigned for and he campaigned on, he says, well, whatever happens in Iraq is really someone else's responsibility.

That's leadership.

Asked if that meant it won’t happen on his watch, the president said, “You mean a complete withdrawal? That’s a timetable. I can only tell you that I will make decisions on force levels based upon what the commanders on the ground say.”

Though, his ground commanders have said repeatedly that Bush doesn't listen to what they say.

“We all recognized that there is violence, that there is sectarian violence. But the way I look at the situation is, the Iraqis looked and decided not to go into civil war.”

The Iraqis looked and decided not to go into civil war. 

What an imbecile.

What does that even mean?  What an idiot.  Dude, the Iraqis have been storming police stations and killing mayors and generals, and dumping bodies in ditches.  It's already a civil war.  What is this fool talking about?  On TV?

Bush said he’s confident of victory in Iraq. “I’m optimistic we’ll succeed. If not, I’d pull our troops out,” he said, warning that abandoning the nation would be a dangerous mistake…

On Iraq, Bush bristled at a suggestion that he had wanted to wage war against that country since early in his presidency.

“I didn’t want war. To assume I wanted war is just flat wrong ... with all due respect,” he told a reporter. “No president wants war.” To those who say otherwise, “it’s simply not true,” Bush said.

Ugh.  How can the "liberal" media print this shit without a disclaimer that this is entirely untrue.  The Bushies spent a year hyping their case for War.  Every Sunday, every member of the Bush administration was on every talk show bullshitting about mushroom clouds over Manhattan, about Atta and his phantom meetings with Iraqi intelligence agents in Prague, about Saddam's awesome stockpile of WMD's.  Christ, at one point, they resurected dead Navy pilot from the first Gulf War for one of their reasons to go to War.

Bush, the revisionist historians should remember, actually kicked the U.N. weapons inspectors out of Iraq so he could rush to War.

And now, this horrendous, incompetent, irresponsible, cowardly, lazy goof-off is telling the American people that it's important that they unnerstan' that no Preznit wants War.

“I can understand how Americans are worried about whether or not we can win,” Bush said, adding that most Americans want victory “but they’re concerned about whether or not we can win.”

Americans are not concerned about whether or not we can win.

Americans, over sixty percent of them, are concerned with whether we have a blithering idiot in the White House.

But, please, "liberal" media, please continue your important discussion as to whether Helen Thomas was out of line or not.

We'll just ignore the last five years of total catastrophe and let history sort out how many people Helen Thomas killed for no good reason at all.

Comments

[spaghetti happens]

"But, please, 'liberal' media, please continue your important discussion as to whether Helen Thomas was out of line or not.

"We'll just ignore the last five years of total catastrophe and let history sort out how many people Helen Thomas killed for no good reason at all."

Well said. It's what the phrase "fucking idiots" was created for.

[Peacechick Mary]

You're back! It was worth the wait and I love it! Fantastic, powerful.

[Tonya]

Ricky! I'm so glad you took time to "calm down" before writing this! :o)

Definitely worth waiting for.

[KyCole]

Boy, that was definitely worth the wait. Do you feel better now that you got that off your chest? No, neither do I- this guy is the most horrible, embarassing pResident EVER.

[aimai]

Thanks for this

aimai

[Bruce]

How dare Helen Thomas! Doesn't she know that questions embolden our enemies? Chimpy's got 1000+ days left; what else can possibly go wrong?

[gary]

Hey! Don't hold back or be shy about what you think...

This is a fantastic rant my friend. Although 'rant' is an overused word and sometimes implies only emotional venting. This is also astute, accurate and well written.

From my perspective north of the 49th, he is the worst President you've ever elected AND has dashed hopes for the planet in ways only a US leader could... from Kyoto to International Courts, to the global economy, to African aid, to militarizing space, to fueling the religious bigots and more.

It would be funny, but it's too sad.

[KyCole]

Gary- In our defense, he wasn't really elected.

[Kit E]

I love Canada, and I love my Canadian friends; we vacation there every chance we get (love your snow and back country lodges!). I pains me that Canada is soon going to have to deal with having an over-armed apocalytic theocracy across their border.

Forgive us, they stole the democramic process before we realized just have bat shit insane and ruthless they were. I weep for my country.

[ricky]

Do you feel better now that you got that off your chest?

No, not at all. I was still ridiculously hysterical, a week later, when I got around to ranting about it.

This is a fantastic rant my friend. Although 'rant' is an overused word and sometimes implies only emotional venting.

I, as well, feel that "rant" is overused. Which is why it's my goal, as a blogger, to show people the difference between thoughtful commentary and ranting.

Josh Marshall? Commentary.

Me? Ranting.

It isn't satisfying to me unless I sound like I started off with 36 cups of coffee and wrapped it up with the last of the Canadian Club.

And speaking of Canadians, who I love, didn't you people just elect a conservative government???

Haven't you wonderful people been watching your demented southern neighbors wreck their country at all for the last five years???

Maybe I'm wrong. Correct me--please!

[amutepiggy]

"womperjawed."

jesus.

this is the best blog in the history of the internet.

my favorite thing is how the likes of the Malkin-bots wave away the legitimate criticisms of this douche with "You just hate Bush! YOU HAVE BUSH DERANGEMENT SYNDROME!!! crazy MOONBAT!!!!!!!"

do they even read what he says? do they even listen to him?

what is wrong with hating a stupid liar?

[ricky]

This is the best blog in the history of the internets.

But, to be fair, I totally stole "womperjawed" from the wonderful Molly Ivans.

I'd like to say I plagiarized that from Molly. Because then I could get a job at the Washington Post!

Unfortunately, you can't plagiarize just one single word. Plus, I don't think Molly invented it.

So I have to resign myself to just stealing. Which is kind of a bummer. Since, you know, Enron went out of bidness.

I can't even get a job there.

Maybe when Bush is done wrecking the country, he'll go back to the Rangers. Then I can work for him!

He and his partners were huge on stealing.

And, of course, I'm not talking about bases.