BottleOfBlog

Idiot Boy Forgets Last Five Minutes Every Five Minutes

"I want the Iraqi people to hear I've got great confidence in their capacity to self govern," Bush said. "I also want the Iraqi people to hear -- it's about time you get a unity government going. In other words, Americans understand you're newcomers to the political arena. But pretty soon its time to shut her down and get governing."

Ugh.  Again.

Purty soon it's time to shut her down and git gubning!

What the fuck does that mean?

Shut who down?  Shut what down?  What does the Cretin in Chief think is up and running that, hey, it's been fun, but now it's time to shut down so y'all can get down to gubning?

Who's her???

Never mind the imbecilic "Americans unnerstan' y'all are newcomers to the political arena".

Dear President History Idiot, Iraq is the cradle of civilization.  The Iraqis had politics when the Bush family didn't just look like monkeys, but were actually still living in trees.

And the Iraqis have had politics ever since.  Sure, since the British got there, the Iraqis have had shitty politics.  But, Dear Preznit Stupidhead, they are not newcomers to the "politcal arena".

Whatever the fuck that is.

God, doesn't this idiot embarrass Republicans?

I mean, obviously, he does.  Because only about 36% of the People approve of the job he's doing.  And I've got a lot of Republican friends.  I live in a mostly Republican city.  And most of them think Bush is a gibbering idiot.

Though they still voted for him.

Because they're my friends, I don't really press them about that.

But, please, "shut 'er down and git gubning!"

What a moron.

If troops were withdrawn now, Iraq would turn into a safe haven for
terrorists, who could arm themselves with weapons of mass destruction and
could attack moderate governments in the Middle East, he said.
"The Iraqi government is still in transition, and the Iraqi security forces
are still gathering capacity," Bush said. "If we leave Iraq before they're
capable of defending their own democracy, the terrorists will win."

This total goober delivers the punchline to a sorry American joke as part of his speech!  If we don't do something stupid, the terrorists will win!

Christ.

Yes, the Iraqi forces are gathering "capacity".  They're gathering their maximum capacity of Mahdi Army and Badr Organization, and other hard line Shiite militiamen possible. 

And, yes, Iraq is turning into a safe haven for terrorists.  Something it was objectively not before Bush decided to invade it.

But, no, terrorists in the Free Extremist Islamic Republic of Iraq will not have access to Weapons of Mass Destruction.  You know why?

Because, idiot, THERE ARE NO WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION IN IRAQ.

Too Much Freedom Marches On

BAGHDAD, Iraq, March 29 — Facing growing pressure from the Bush administration for him to step down, Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari of Iraq vigorously asserted his right to stay in office today and warned the Americans against undue interference in Iraq's political process.

Good God!  Bush is screwed!  By tomorrow, the White House will no doubt be swarmed by purple fingered Republicans who are outraged at the Bush administration's interference with the great and noble Iraqi March of Freedom!

The Gee Oh Pee takes this Iraqi sovereignty thing seriously, you know.  They're totally and emotionally committed to Iraqi self rule.

Mr. Jaafari also defended his recent political alliance with the radical anti-American Shiite cleric Moktada al-Sadr, now the prime minister's most powerful backer, saying in an interview that Mr. Sadr and his thousands-strong militia were a fact of life in Iraq and need to be accepted into mainstream politics.

Oops!  There's the problem!  Jaafari is part of the reality based community.  And, "that's not the way the world works anymore."

Mr. Jaafari said he would work to fold the country's myriad militias into the official security forces and ensure that recruits and top security ministers abandon their ethnic or sectarian loyalties.

The existence of militias has emerged as the greatest source of contention between American officials and Shiite leaders like Mr. Jaafari, with the American ambassador arguing in the past week that militias are killing more people than the Sunni Arab-led insurgency. Dozens of bodies, garroted or executed with gunshots to the head, turn up almost daily in Baghdad, fueling sectarian tensions that are pushing Iraq closer to full-scale civil war.

A full scale civil war?  Hundred of people are winding up dead in ditches every day.  In Baghdad.  People are identifying themselves as part of Brigades, Armies, militias.  Neighbors are killing their neighbors--and not just killing them.  Before being killed, people are having their fingers and toes cut off, acid poured on their faces, and holes drilled into their skulls.

When will this be a civil war?  When people get battle flags?

And this myriad of militias are being integrated into what?  The Iraqi security forces we've heard such good news about?  That we're spending a fortune on training?

Granted, Bush is unhappy about it.  But here you have the Iraqi Prime Minister saying, "That's the reality."  If that's the reality, then Bush has been out of his gourd for the last three years.  At least.  And if that isn't the reality, then turning sovereignty over to the Iraqis was a horrible idea.

And if turning sovereignty over to the Iraqis was a bad idea--and it was Bush's idea on Bush's artificial election year time-table--then this whole war was a bad idea.  It was premised on two things that were untrue and one thing that was impossible.

The embattled Mr. Jaafari made his remarks during the hourlong interview at his home, a Saddam Hussein-era palace with an artificial lake in the heart of the fortified Green Zone. He spoke calmly, relaxing in a black pinstripe suit in a ground-floor office lined with books like the multivolume "The World of Civilizations…"

There's so much good news in Iraq which the "liberal" media is ignoring that the Iraqi Prime Minister has to live in the American protected, heavily fortified Green Zone.  Ugh.

And how stupid is it that Iraq's new Prime Minister, leading the March Of Freedom, propped up and protected by American firepower, resides in one of Saddam's old palaces?  The Gee Oh Pee has spent at least four years telling us Saddam--who was and is an asshole--was Hitler, Jr., and the first democratically elected Prime Minister of Iraq moves into one of his palaces???

If we take the Gee Oh Pee at their word, this is the equivalent of setting up the post World War II German government in the Eagle's Nest.  Saddam's a dick.  You get no argument from me.  But why are all these crazy right wingers, who consider him to be evil incarnate, not screaming for palaces to be bulldozed into the ground?

Because they don't really care.  None of this has anything to do with evil or the Iraqis or democracy at all.

"The source of this is that some American figures have made statements that interfere with the results of the democratic process," [Jaafari] added. "These reservations began when the biggest bloc in Parliament chose its candidate for prime minister…"

What is it, Republicans?  Is it Freedom?  Is it really freedom?

Senior Shiite politicians said Tuesday that the American ambassador, Zalmay Khalilzad, had weighed in over the weekend, telling the leader of the Shiite bloc that President Bush did not want Mr. Jaafari as prime minister. That was the first time the Americans had openly expressed a preference for the post, the politicians said, and it showed the Bush administration's acute impatience over the stagnant political process…

No.  It isn't.  It's something else entirely.  So shut up about the "freedom" thing.  Because here it is, and it's ugly and it's "untidy" and it's not what you wanted. Personally, I never believed it was what you wanted.  But now we know for sure.

"I look at them as part of Iraq's de facto reality, whether some of the individual people are negative or positive," he said. "Anyone who's part of the Iraqi reality should be part of the Iraqi house…"

Oh, Christ, there he goes again with that stupid reality thing. 

The police forces are stocked with members of the Mahdi Army and the Badr Organization, an Iranian-trained militia, who still exhibit obvious loyalties to their political party leaders…

Those are the same militia who the Bushies blame for the sectarian violence in the same security forces the Bushies praise for containing the sectarian violence.

…[b]ut since taking power last spring, Mr. Jaafari has come under widespread criticism for failing to stamp out the insurgency and promoting hard-line pro-Shiite policies…

So far, the entire Shiite bloc has publicly backed Mr. Jaafari despite the growing opposition to his candidacy.

And, oh yeah, those are the same hard line Shiite factions who run Iran.  Which is working frantically on their own nuclear weapon.  Why?  Who knows?  Though, they're the same hard line Shiite factions that blew up 200 Marines in Lebanon before Reagan leaned hard on them by selling them weapons and spare military parts...

Ow, my head.

This thing is so incredibly fucked up--so Republican fucked up--if it weren't for the new stratospheric debt levels fiscally conservative Republicans have set for our country, I'm not sure I would even vote Democrat in 2008.

Why should Democrats inherit this colossal fuck up?  It's unfixable.  As much as I desperately want smart responsible government to take over in Washington again, there's a part of me which really wants to see Republicans take full, sole, and absolute responsibility for this horrific fiasco which they fully, solely, and absolutely created.

The only problem with my little wicked fantasy is that:

One, Republicans never take responsibility for anything;  and

Two, leaving this horrific mess to them will only make it worse.

Here's An Idea! Stop Being So Damn Crazy!

(AP) The United States is faring poorly in its effort to counter ideological support for terrorism, in part because the government does not communicate effectively, Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld said Monday…

"If I were grading I would say we probably deserve a 'D' or a 'D-plus' as a country as to how well we're doing in the battle of ideas that's taking place in the world today," he told his questioner. "I'm not going to suggest that it's easy, but we have not found the formula as a country" for countering the extremists' message.

Jesus Christ, what is it with these guys?  Where did they come from?  It's always politics with these Bush people.  It's always public relations.

It's never policy or substance.

The problem is not that you are not effectively communicating your ideas--to the Iraqis, to the American people.  The problem is that your ideas suck.  They blow.  They're horrible.  People are appalled at your "ideas".

But that's not even your real problem.  And I don't know how you get around this one. Your real problem is this:  as awful and as stupid as your ideas are, what your ideas most perfectly represent is you, all of you.  The entire rotten Bush administration.

And people get it, Don.  You're communicating that perfectly.

White House Waiter Resigns

September 11, 2001, Andrew Card informs Bush of the unfolding catastrophe: "Mr. President, the kitchen is out of pickels!!!"

WASHINGTON - White House chief of staff Andrew Card has resigned and will be replaced by budget director Joshua Bolten, President Bush announced Tuesday amid growing calls for a White House shake-up and Republican concern about Bush’s tumbling poll ratings.

“I have relied on Andy’s wise counsel, his calm in crisis, his absolute integrity and his tireless commitment to public service,” Bush said. "And he brung me cheeseburgers when I told him. I relied on that, too."

Bush described Bolten as a man with broad experience, both on Wall Street and in Washington, including the last three years as director of the Office of Management and Budget.

“Josh is a creative policy thinker,” Bush said. “He is an expert on the budget and our economy. He is a man of candor and humor and directness. And he can tend bar, something Andy could not do.”

It's not going to help. The incompetence flows from the top down. There's only one guy who could resign and make the executive branch run any better at this point. And he ain't going back to Crawford just yet.

What Is Wrong...

...with George Bush's America???

Why is it so fucked up???

I go to lunch today.  I go to this Subway store a couple of miles from where I work.  I go there once or twice a week.  And there's this young woman who works there.  She's probably 19 or 20.  I mean, she can't be much older because she looks like she's in highschool and she obviously isn't in highschool because she's working at Subway at noon on a Monday.

And she's pretty cute.  And she completely digs me.  Everytime I get anywhere near the counter, she gets a little bit louder and a little bit more dramatic about making the subs and she gets a whole lot more clumbsy--BMTs wind up toasted to a crisp;  footlongs get sliced in half;  those little plastic gloves are flying around like confetti on New Year's Eve.

And she's better than that.  I've seen her work when she doesn't know I'm in line.

It's cute.  I make her nervous.

But we've never really talked.  Not beyond, "Lettuce, tomatoes, onions?  Salt, pepper, oregeno?  Oil and vinegar?"

So today, I'm there.  And she's getting clumbsy and dramatic, and she keeps looking up at me, even though she's busy destroying some guy's Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki.  And I'm feeling particularly good, in a wicked kind of way, just knowing I've just ruined some guy's lunch because of the love of a young woman.

I'm humming a little Chris Isaak to myself...what a wicked thing to do...

I get to the counter, and this young woman, while distractedly firing some provolone into the soft drink cooler, finally works up the nerve to make small talk with me.

"Do you know anyone named Buchanan?"  she asks me.

It's the first time she's ever said anything to me of a non-sandwich type nature, so I pass on the pre-civil war, only other gay president besides Bush thing that immediately pops into my head.

"No," I say, totally being incredibly James Bond like in my suaveness and, now, almost uncontrollable sexiness.  Subs all around me are getting lightly toasted just from the heat I'm giving off.

"Because you look like this guy I know, named Buchanan," the young woman says, putting a knife through the sneeze-guard.

"No relation," I say.  Cherry vanilla Cokes explode from the heat! Fucking regular turkey is now smoked!

"I thought you might be related to him," she says.  "He's a lot younger than you--like in his twenties.  But you two could be brothers."

"Cut the chatter," I say.  "And pay attention to what you're doing, for God's sake.  You just wrapped and bagged your left hand."

A lot younger???  In his twenties???

Maybe I could be his uncle!  His Uncle Bob.

When the fuck did that happen???  Suddenly I look so old the Subway girl thinks I couldn't be in my twenties?  When did young women in this country get that cruel?

Fucking Bush's America.  Everything totally sucks in it.

Time to update my blog photo, I guess.

Christ, I miss Clinton.

The Dumbest People Who Have Ever Lived

“The Iranians are defying the world’s will, and the international community needs to speak and speak with one voice,” Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice told “Fox News Sunday.” “There are some tactical issues about how best to express that.”

Resolution of tactical issues.

“If the international community stays really solid here, Iran cannot stand the kind of isolation from the international community that, for instance, North Korea endures almost by choice,” Rice told NBC's Tim Russert. “We really do have a chance to solve this diplomatically.”

Christ, I hope Iran can't stand the same kind of isolation that North Korea has endured, by choice, since the Bush administration changed our North Korean policy to isolating them.  Because that's worked out really well there.

Here's a solution to a tactical issue that I think would work even better in helping stop the proliferation of nuclear weapons:  Let someone smart run the country again, you fucking incompetent, amateurish, morons!

Just a thought.

Wouldn't hurt just to try it, you know.

U.S. Intelligence Into Putin's Soul Flawed

Putin and Bush sealing historic deal in which the United States purchases Brooklyn Bridge from Russia.

After nearly two hours of face-to-face talks on Saturday, Bush said he felt he could "trust" Putin…

"I wouldn't have invited him to my ranch if I didn't trust him," Bush said…

The body language between the two appeared genuinely comfortable. Bush said the talks never digressed into "diplomatic chit chat" and that during the talks he took a measure of Putin's soul, finding the Russian leaders "straight-forward and trustworthy."

Bush goes with his gut.  He's a man of faith.  He has awesome Jesus powers that let him look deep into another man's soul and guide our country's foreign policy accordingly.

Putin investing Brooklyn Bridge profits in Iraqi oil fields.

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- As U.S. troops moved toward Iraq in 2003, Saddam Hussein received intelligence about their battle strategy and troop movements from a Russian ambassador, according to a Pentagon report.

One more time, either Bush is a total fraud, or an idiot, or an incompetent, or all--or a combination of the--three.

In any event, every foreign leader in the world plays this clown for a rube and a sucker and a fool.  Every leader in every country in the world, plays this amateur like he's some faux Texan with pleather chaps, who can be sold some dusty air pockets just guaranteed to gush oil!

And they have good reason for thinking they can do that to Bush--because he has a well documented, life-long record of incompetence and laziness and stupidity.

And everyone seems to know that--in the whole world--except for the Republican faithful.

I just can't understand how frothing at the mouth, right wing nuts, who get a total boner for American dominance, can stand having this bumbling clown the entire world laughs at and tricks with donuts on a string as their President.

Bush Proposes Signing Statement For 13th Amendment

(CNN) -- On the eve of President Bush's inauguration, a poll shows the nation is split over whether he has united or divided the nation, but a majority believe his inauguration festivities should be toned down because of the war.

During the 2000 campaign, Bush promised to be a "uniter, not a divider."

Forty-nine percent of 1,007 adult Americans said in phone interviews they believe Bush is a "uniter," according to the CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll released Wednesday. Another 49 percent called him a "divider," and 2 percent had no opinion.

And it takes some kind of "uniter" to bring a half million angry Americans into the streets of a single city.

LOS ANGELES - Hundreds of thousands of demonstrators protested moves to impose stricter U.S. immigration laws in California on Saturday, while President Bush urged wary Republicans to take up his proposal.

Thousands of people across the country protested Friday against legislation cracking down on the estimated 12 million illegal immigrants in the United States…

Immigration is looming as a key issue in the November midterm elections in which Republicans are seeking to hold on to their majorities in both houses of Congress. But the politics of border security have created competing pressures for Republicans.

Bush views the guest-worker program as way of courting Hispanic voters in key states like Arizona, New Mexico and Florida. But some conservative Republicans are focusing on enforcement as constituents vent frustration at what they see as a strain on schools, hospitals and other local resources from illegal immigration.

It's the kind of reception we're only used to seeing Bush get in foreign countries!  Every foreign country.

WASHINGTON - Anticipating turbulent debate over immigration, President Bush has urged Congress to grapple with the emotional issue in a way that avoids pitting groups against each other…

Immigration is a divisive issue for the country, and Republicans in particular. It splits two main GOP constituent groups — businesses and social conservatives.

Maybe I'm looking at this all wrong.  Maybe Bush really is a "uniter".  Just not for him.  When you think about it, he has, in a short five years, united nearly everyone against him.

And it's horrible what he's suggesting.  It isn't rooted in any kind of practical compromise or concern for any immigrants--legal or illegal.  People have no idea how horrible what he's suggesting is or how horrible he is for wanting it.

Even the economy has taken a hammering. Saudi Arabia has 25 per cent of the world's oil reserves, but the average Saudi woman has six children, and state funds have not kept pace with the population boom. Incomes have fallen by about two-thirds since the Eighties, and unemployment is up to 30 per cent. Saudi women and children beg at traffic lights, a sight unthinkable just a few years ago. Meanwhile, more than 4,000 princes live lavishly at state expense, and millions of foreign "guest workers" from Asia, often treated like servants, keep the country running by taking the jobs Saudis are unable or unwilling to do. Foreigners make up a staggering 90 per cent of all employees in the private sector.

In Saudi Arabia, and Kuwait, and the UAE and whatever other oil-rich countries which are governed by pampered and powdered and obscenely wealthy princes, where poor Philipinos and Malaysians are imported to clean houses and cook food and pick up the garbage and act as servants, those people are called "guest workers" because there's no literal translation into English for what they really are:

Slaves.

They don't get to vote.  They don't have any rights.  They get paid just enough to stay alive, but not enough to quit if they feel like it.  And if they try something irritating to the aristocracy, like unionize or demand anything, well, that's the great thing about "guest" workers, isn't it?

You can deport their asses.  You can kick them the fuck out of the country.  Unlike bothersome citizens.

And this appeals to Bush Republicans.  A subsistance level workforce, which you can put on a slow boat to the Soloman Islands if they start bitching about minimum wages or health care or a seventy hour work week.  Cheap servants to cut your grass and clean your toilets who, finally, you don't have to hide from the INS.

And you don't have to lie anymore on your tax returns.

I'm wrong?  Even the fucking name is the same.  That's a coincidence?  They got slaves in Kuwait called "guest workers" and Bush, whose family has about fifty years of close personal ties to filthy oil rich mid-eastern sheiks suddenly comes up with an immigration program called "guest workers" out of the blue?

Not likely.

I kind of get a kick out of this.  Because it's got Republican heads exploding.  On the one hand, Republicans get a lot of mileage out of promoting xenophobia and racism and paranoia about dark skinned foreigners taking your job and sucking up your hard earned tax dollars.  On the other hand, the backbone of the Republican party, the real financial arm of the Republican party, depends on illegal immigrants for their cheap labor.

So it makes me laugh to watch the bigots and extremists struggle to comprehend the dirty little secret of the Gee Oh Pee--it loves and needs Mexicans streaming across the same border fat white, gun toting volunteers are guarding like their white teenage daughters virginity depended on it.

But the American people haven't even grasped the full horror of this thing.  We're blissfully ignorant of the best part!  Once Bush gets this thing, there are going to be a lot of American employers crying out for the need of "guest workers" to do jobs that Americans won't do. 

We're going to need a lot of brown skinned bodies.

More than just naturally and illegally cross the border.

And we're going to need someone to connect "guest workers" with employers who need them.

We'll need multi-national companies--like, say, Haliburton!--to actively "recruit" dirt poor people in India and South America and the South Pacific and bring those people by the boatload to America to work, like in Saudi Arabia, pretty much as servants.

Yeah, it's awful.  It's a spine breaker for labor in this country.  Once employers can legally employ "guest workers" for jobs Americans are unwilling to do, guess what?  Employers will make sure nearly all their labor intensive jobs are so lousy that no Americans will be willing to do them.

Pay, benefits, conditions will plummet to the point where no Americans will be willing to do them, or, if they are, they'll have no choice but to do them at "guest worker" terms.  Take it, or leave it.  You don't want it?  A "guest worker" will do it.  It'll be the death of labor in this country.

But, beyond that, after nearly two hundred years?  It will be the rebirth of the North American slave trade.

I Did My Part--I Started The War

"As we fight the enemy in Iraq, every man and woman who volunteers to defend our nation deserves an unwavering commitment to the mission -- and a clear strategy for victory…

To achieve victory over such enemies, we are pursuing a comprehensive strategy in Iraq. Americans should have a clear understanding of this strategy -- how we look at the war, how we see the enemy, how we define victory, and what we're doing to achieve it. So today, we're releasing a document called the "National Strategy for Victory in Iraq…"

As the Iraqi forces gain experience and the political process advances, we will be able to decrease our troop levels in Iraq without losing our capability to defeat the terrorists."
--President Outlines Plan For Victory In Iraq, November 30, 2005

Later in the news conference, Bush was asked whether there would come a day when no U.S. forces are in Iraq.

“That, of course, is an objective. And that will be decided by future presidents and future governments of Iraq,” he said.

Well, it wasn't so much a plan for victory as an outline for victory.  And much like the original plan for victory the outline pretty much consisted of people in the future telling Bush what exactly his brilliant strategy is.

And this is what the modern Republican party calls "leadership".

Christ, we've got General Jack Ripper running the gubment.

See Dick Travel

New Caffeine-free Diet Sprites!

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- When he travels, Vice President Dick Cheney wants his hotel suites at 68 degrees, a document published Thursday by "The Smoking Gun" Web site stipulates.

He also wants fresh-brewed, decaffeinated coffee, four to six bottles of water and four cans of caffeine-free Diet Sprite, according to the list of requests, which is titled "Vice Presidential Downtime Requirements."

Right.  I believe this like I believe Bush's Summer Reading List.

We all know what Dick Cheney wants in his room when he travels:  ammo, plasma, defibrillator, six dozen passive quails, and some kind of occlusive patch for sucking chest wounds in case any of his good lawyer friends stop by.

And, oh yeah, a "Do Not Disturb" sign.  You know, for the local deputies.