BottleOfBlog

Well, We All Get Nervous

My good friend Michelle has had a change of heart. And I like her attitude.

Ride her till she bucks, that’s what I say. And when she bucks, you know, dust yourself off, and do something else.

Good for you, Michelle.

Though, rather than A Flying Leap, I’d go with Leap Of Faith. You know:

You were the Red Sea and I was Moses
I kissed you and slipped into a bed of roses
The waters parted and loved rushed inside
I was Jesus’s son, sanctified…

Bruce’ll never be Preznit, or the distinguished Senator from New Jersey, but how long will it take these chuckleheads until they make him Poet Laureate of the United States?

Nobody writes about Americans like Bruce Springsteen.

But maybe that's a guy song. I don't know. Either way, keep blogging, Michelle. I know I've enjoyed your page.

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

Who’s side is Joe Biden on? Sure, sure, he’s no Joe Liebermonkey but, with the exception of maybe Bill Frist, who is?

But Biden runs a pretty close second to being the most potent weapon in the Republican arsenal of making sure they remain in the White House for the next decade or so:

WASHINGTON - Sen. Joseph Biden (news, bio, voting record) says any Democrat who wants to run for president in 2008 should keep in mind these three words: Hillary Rodham Clinton (news - web sites)…

"I think she'd be incredibly difficult to beat," the Delaware Democrat said Sunday on NBC's "Meet the Press." "I think she is the most difficult obstacle for anyone being the nominee…"

"She is likely to be the nominee," Biden said. "She'd be the toughest person and I think Hillary Clinton (news - web sites) is able to be elected president of the United States."

Hillary Clinton is not going to ever be President of the United States. Never.

It’s such an appallingly stupid thing to say, I think someone better check Biden to see if he’s running a fever. Or if the back seat of his car is littered with empty crack bottles, or if he’s just received a fellowship at the Heritage Foundation, or something.

I like Hillary. She’s a very bright, capable person. She’s had a lifetime of impressive success—academically, professionally, and politically. If the world were run on some kind of meritocracy, George W. Bush would be parking her car or wearing a little bow tie and grinding black pepper over her salad, or doing some other simple task that even he’s capable of.

But it ain’t.

And politics hasn’t been since the advent of color TV.

This is the worst idea I’ve ever heard Democrats come up with since Al Gore chose a Republican—and a stupid one at that--to be his running mate.

I mean, number one, to beat a Boy Scout like Al Gore or a distinguished Senator like John Kerry, it took the Republican slime machine a little while to come up with some kind of a game plan. They had to really work it. And they had to work it right down to the wire, just throwing any kind of crap against the wall hoping it would stick.

But Hillary?

Jesus, God Almighty, the RNC already has a big, dusty dossier with every kind of garbage just ready to put into print or on the air. They won’t even have to do any research.

Do you really want to spend an election year watching commercials and listening to the vapid, moronic cable news talking heads endlessly rehashing all of the Clinton non-scandals--Whitewater, Travelgate, the impeachment, Vince Foster???

Do you really want to see Jerry Falwell hawking “The Clinton Chronicles” again? Do you really want to see the same cockroaches from the Arkansas Project scurry out from under the rocks they’ve rightly gone back to live under???

I don’t. I really don’t. It was stupid the first time around. It will be ten times stupider the second time around.

Holy smokes! If you think our "liberal" media is hopelessly confused and uninformed, and incompetent when trying to report events as they actually happen, just wait until you see these clowns trying to summarize events that happened ten years ago!

Number two, she’s a Senator. Have we learned our lesson here yet, folks? Not since John Kennedy has there been a Senator elected President—if you don’t count Al Gore’s victory in 2000. But if this last election has shown us anything, it’s that Americans have no clue how the legislative process works and that it’s far too easy to distort a Senator’s voting record. Just give in—run a fucking Governor.

Number three, Hillary’s kind of a crap ass Senator. You really want to see those stupid shower shoes again?

Number four, as bright and as capable as she is, she’s not her husband. Some people might say that’s a good thing. But, love him or hate him, Bill Clinton was the greatest politician of my lifetime. And Hillary hasn’t shown that she’s got any of his instincts.

Number five, in this overly, overly, over the top testosterone driven political environment that the Republicans have created, does anyone really think that now is the time for our first woman president? I mean, if John Kerry, a highly decorated, three time wounded combat veteran, a former district attorney, and a Senator who took on Iran Contra was too much of a wimp, if he was considered a blow dried, wind-surfing, soft on terra liberal from Massachusetts, what do you think will be made out of a woman Senator from that center of moral depravity New York???

It’s not right. I don’t agree with it. But, people, haven’t you been watching your TV sets??? Didn’t you see a couple of guys, Chris Mathews and G. Gordon Liddy, endlessly playing video clips of Bush on that aircraft carrier and giggling like schoolgirls over what those parachute straps did for the First Crotch?

Politics, right now, is not the Lincoln-Douglas debates. It’s a back room in a seedy bar with a bunch of dangerously drunk idiots slapping their dicks on the table. The electorate, right now, is eating red meat, and they want to see blood in it.

Again, I don’t agree with it. It’s stupid. But would you rather be smart and right and lose again, or would you rather be as stupid as Bush and win? Just run some hardass with a big dick and small sentences. Get it over with. And win. And after you win, then worry about doing what’s right.

Hillary Clinton would probably be an outstanding President. But she would be the worst Presidential candidate since George McGovern.

And he, by the way, would have made a great President.

Your Lips Say "No", But Your Foreign Policy Says "Yes"...

Four years after Bush said he had gotten a sense of Putin's soul and found him trustworthy, the two leaders talked for 2 1/2 hours at a hilltop castle in hopes of easing mounting distrust between Moscow and Washington. Bush said he had not changed his opinion of Putin and wanted to remain friends.

"This is the kind of fellow who, when he says `Yes,' he means yes, and when he says `No,' he means no," Bush said…

Really? And what was ol’ Pooty Poot saying “yes” or “no” about?

Bush and Putin said they were in united on the desire to stop suspected nuclear weapons programs in North Korea (news - web sites) and Iran. They remained at odds over Russian arms sales to Syria, which the United States wants halted, said the administration official.

"We agreed that Iran should not have a nuclear weapon. I appreciate Vladimir's understanding on that," Bush said. "We agreed that North Korea should not have a nuclear weapon."

So I guess, Bush, who’s got a purty good ol’ sense of Pooty Poot’s soul, reckons Pooty Poot’s the kind of feller who means what he says! An ol’ straight shooter, just like himself!

WASHINGTON , Feb. 27 - Russia agreed today to provide fuel for an Iranian nuclear reactor and sought to assure a wary world that tough safeguards would prevent any diversion of the fuel to build weapons.

But the accord, vigorously opposed by the United States, carried a potential to undercut European-led efforts to curb the Iranian nuclear program, and it brought calls from some in Washington for a tougher stance on Russia.

It came only three days after President Bush, who has sharply denounced the Iranian program, expressed his trust in President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia and joined with him in saying that Iran should not have nuclear weapons.

What an idiot.

Twist A Pig's Ear, Listen To Him Squeal

My good friend, Barak posted a comment which is pretty true.

Using a reporter’s phone records or notes, regarding the identity of their sources is not factually or legally the same as using a defendant’s phone records or notes against themselves.

He’s absolutely right about that.

And, in my desire to see the Plame outer suck the pipe and in my utter disgust at the course and pace of the investigation, well, you know, I engaged in a little bit of hyperbole. I know, I know—it’s hard for you to imagine—but I overstated my case.

Usually, I’m quite understated.

And this argument goes on and on, like the investigation--nearly two years for what should have taken about a month or so...

And a lot of very bright people agree with Barak—some conservatives do, as well! But I disagree with Barak for the same reason that he very smartly showed the reasoning in my post to be flawed:

My example and the Plame case were factually dissimilar. And the Law is not that cut and dried.

It is, regardless of precedent, factually intensive.

A holding based upon one set of facts is not binding upon a case with entirely different facts.

Conservatives, considering the Plame matter, are only concerned with the Bush administration, once again, escaping any responsibility for their actions.

Liberals are concerned that if the United States attorney in the Plame matter may force a reporter to divulge his or her sources, then, the next time a government source reveals information to a reporter—even classified information—that reporter may likewise be forced to reveal his or her source or face jail or prison.

As I mentioned in my response to Barak’s comment, frankly, that’s already the case. That’s always been the case. But dreaded activist judges have taken it upon themselves to not hold reporters in contempt for failing to reveal their sources for one reason—and only one--that their sources have provided information that is within the spirit and intent of the First Amendment.

In other words, courts have recognized an unwritten, unlegislated “privilege” for reporters where the information was of the type that furthers the transparency of government that a democracy requires.

Liberals are very concerned that, in the Plame matter, if the government should force a reporter to divulge his or her sources, such a ruling would be precedent for the government forcing reporters to reveal sources in any number of situations, and, thus, would have a “chilling” effect on government whistle blowers.

But I think that’s an overly simplistic view of the law.

In the Plame matter, information was provided to a journalist to intimidate and discourage whistleblowers from speaking to journalists. The very idea that those same journalists can protect their source by claiming that protecting that source, who’s intent was to silence whistleblowers and discourage government officials from speaking openly with the press, will somehow encourage whistleblowers to share information with journalists is mindblowingly ludicrous.

It defies all logic.

As for the slippery slope—that if a reporter is forced to reveal their source in the Plame matter, then some other reporter may be forced to reveal their source in a matter of public interest—I think any lawyer and, frankly, most first year law students, could stand up before any judge and easily distinguish the case at bar from the Plame holding.

Such a ruling in the Plame matter would have virtually no precedential value because the facts of the cases are so dissimilar:

On the one hand, preserving the confidentiality of a source frustrates the free flow of information necessary to the preservation of a democracy, on the other hand, confidentiality furthers the free flow of information and the transparency required by a democracy.

And the law recognizes factually different cases.

It’s not a matter of degrees. It’s apples and oranges.

Beyond that, it also really fucking pisses me off. And I want to see some bastard dangle.

(Also, by the way, if you want to buy fantastic prints, I advise you to visit Barak's website. He's a terrific photographer.)

Mystic Monkey Holds Russian Séance

BRATISLAVA, Slovakia - Struggling to repair troubled relations, President Bush (news - web sites) prodded Vladimir Putin (news - web sites) on Thursday about Moscow's retreat from democracy but the Russian leader bluntly rejected the criticism and insisted there was no backsliding…

Four years after Bush said he had gotten a sense of Putin's soul and found him trustworthy, the two leaders talked for 2 1/2 hours at a hilltop castle in hopes of easing mounting distrust between Moscow and Washington. Bush said he had not changed his opinion of Putin and wanted to remain friends.

How insane is that? Our prenzit, the leader of the free world, is out there just gettin’ a sense o’ people’s souls! He’s looking into their souls and deciding if they’re trustworthy!

I mean, can you imagine, if you showed up to work on Monday morning, and your boss said, “You know, I’ve been thinking about that contract with Putin Corp., and, never mind all that legal mumbo jumbo, I met the president of Putin Corp., and I got a good sense of his soul. I think he’s trustworthy. We’re going to go ahead on this deal!”

Can you imagine if you called some baby sitter service, and when enquiring about the sitter they had lined up for your newborn, some service representative said to you, “Well, I’ve gotten a good sense of your baby sitter’s soul and I find her to be trustworthy”?

You ever buy a used car after getting a sense of the seller’s soul???

Outside of Alcoholics Anonymous, can you think of any situation where any sane person would say, “I’ve gotten a good sense of their soul and I find them to be trustworthy”???

And this is our president. Talking about the president of Russia! Like a fucking fortune teller, or some shit.

It’s insane talk. It’s the talk of a nutty woman who hasn’t worn anything but nightgowns for ten years and has 300 cats in her house.

I’ve got a sense of your soul.

Shit, my parents—a couple of immoral, valueless liberals—have been married for forty fucking years—which is, again, for you values voters, about twenty times longer than every single one of Rush Limbaugh’s marriages—and they still can’t sense enough of each other’s souls to not piss the holy bejesus out of one another on your average Wednesday afternoon.

After forty years.

Though, still, for you values voters, unlike Rush Limbaugh, or Newt Gingrich, or Ronald Reagan, my liberal parents never got divorced.

They’re still married. Like the Clintons. And the Carters.

But they still can’t get a sense of each other’s souls.

What utter gibbering nonsense. What insane delusional blabbering. And your “liberal” media treats that nutball statement like, hey, it could happen!

Why not? We had a Magic Eight Ball for a National Security Advisor. We had an Attorney General who liked to anoint himself with oil like the ancient Hebrew kings. Why not a President who conducted foreign policy by sensing other people’s souls?

Though, it’s a mystery why Bush could sense Putin’s soul, but couldn’t sense that there weren’t any WMDs in Iraq. I guess his mystical powers of perception only go so far.

How fucking nuts is that?

"This is the kind of fellow who, when he says `Yes,' he means yes, and when he says `No,' he means no," Bush said…

Although, when Putin has said “yes”, he’s often meant “no”. When Putin’s said “no”, he’s often meant “yes”. He was a former lieutenent colonel in the KGB, you know. Though, of course, Bush didn’t know that. Because he’s an idiot. But he’s sensed Putin’s soul.

In public, Putin compared his move to end direct popular election of regional governors to the American process of electing presidents through the Electoral College (news - web sites) rather than by the results of the popular vote. "And it's not considered undemocratic, is it?" Putin said…

No. Every where else in the world, it would be considered “undemocratic”. But not in America. And I can't tell you how happy I am that America, my America, under Bush, is now the example of why the rest of the world can subvert democracy, or torture people, or wage pre-emptive wars, or ignore the Geneva Convention or the United Nations.

Get it, yet, you value voting, conservative dunderheads?

We've lost our moral authority. All we have, under Bush, is forcefull authority.

But getting back to the world wide Monkey tour, of course, such a statement from Putin left our soul sensing jabber Monkey beady eyed and slack jawed.

But while saying that a free press is the sign of a healthy society, Bush added, "Obviously there has got to be constraints. There's got to be truth."

Hoo-hoo! Anyone? It’s too funny to be believed. Bush is concerned about the “free press” telling the truth. Anyone? Be my guest. It’s too fucking stupid to be believed.

What a moron. What an utter horrid, stupid monster you values voters have unleashed on my great country.

Liberal, Activist Judge Rules For Bush Administration, Though, Of Course, He's Wrong

A federal judge ruled in New York today that a federal prosecutor could not inspect the phone records of two reporters for The New York Times in an effort to learn their confidential sources…

Judge Sweet, who was appointed by President Jimmy Carter, ruled that telephone records are the functional equivalent of testimony from the reporters themselves.

Sure, sure, I know—Judge Sweet is one of those activist judges the Preznit is always warning us about. And he was appointed by Jimmy Carter!

And, as all value votin’ Republicans know, Jimmy Carter, who graduated first in his class at Annapolis, had a distinguished Naval career, and was the most honest, most devoutly Christian man to ever reside in the White House, is, in fact, Satan.

Jimmy Carter’s post political career of building homes for the poor and advocating human rights around the globe pretty much proves that.

Jesus would never have been interested in that pinko crap.

Also, Jimmy Carter is a traitor. He’s been one a long time, and he just can’t stop working for “the other side”.

So, Judge Sweet has a lot going against him. But I still admire his expansive view of the Bill of Rights. To me, the Bill of Rights can’t get too big. Except for when it comes to morons thinking the right to a well regulated militia entitles them to have a rocket launcher in their homes.

But, anyway, much as I admire the traitorous appointee of Satan for his broad, expansive view of our rights, I gotta say:

Apparently Judge Sweet and his law clerks were absent the day they taught law at law school.

A phone record is no more compelled testimony against a defendant than a diary is, or a business record, or a letter, or saliva.

And all those things are admissible, discoverable evidence.

And telephone records have been used against millions of defendants. Most often, against the mob.

Pansy In Chief

Bush Getting The Usual Welcome In Germany

MAINZ , Germany, Feb. 23 - President Bush of course is not the first president named Bush to come to this town on the Rhine, but the very physical circumstances of this president's stopover here on Wednesday suggest how different, how less automatically warm, German-American relations are now than they were when his father stopped in Mainz 16 years ago.

Most conspicuous was the lack of contact between ordinary Germans and an American president visiting what could almost have been a stage setting: a town with buildings but no people, the shops and restaurants in the center of town closed, and only uniformed police officers on the streets…

Of course, in the security-minded post-9/11 world, a visiting American president cannot just stand exposed before throngs of German citizens, as John F. Kennedy did in 1963 when he made his famous "I am a Berliner" speech, or as Ronald Reagan did in 1987 when he declared "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"

Of course! This “post 9/11” world is so much more dangerous than the world in which Kennedy lived in. Hell, in Kennedy’s time, he could actually drive through downtown Dallas in a convertible limousine! Without any fear for his life!

Shit, before 9/11, there wasn’t any danger to American presidents! Bush is so brave! I mean, before 9/11, no terrorists had ever attacked the United States.

Well, except for when al-Qaeda attacked the World Trade Towers in 1993. But that was totally different from when al-Qaeda attacked the World Trade Towers in 2001!

In 2001, it was scarier to the Preznit!

It must have been! Because, you know, after al Qaeda attacked the World Trade Towers in 1993, and tried to blow up a dozen jets at the same time, and tried to launch their millennium attacks, and attacked the Cole, well, there was ol’ panty waist Bill Clinton, out and about, in a fucking African country—and good Christ almighty! Clinton was actually being touched by the dirty heathens!

ACCRA , Ghana (CNN) -- President Clinton began a six-nation tour of Africa on Monday with a brief stop in Ghana, speaking to a wildly enthusiastic crowd on the benefits of democracy, trade and justice -- and taking a side-swipe at military rule in Nigeria…

After the speech, Rawlings draped a brightly colored kente cloth over Clinton's shoulders.

A mob of people eager to shake Clinton's hand knocked down a barricade, apparently trapping two women on the ground. An alarmed Clinton shouted to the crowd "back, back!"

On his way to Independence Square, Clinton was cheered in the muggy streets of the capital by scores of school children wearing orange and brown school uniforms and waving American and Ghanaian flags. Ten of thousands of citizens crowded the route.

Accra was festooned with cheerful banners reading, "Akwaaba, Bill Clinton," welcoming the president. Billboards showed painted photographs of Clinton and Rawlings shaking hands.

That was Bill Clinton in Africa. What about The War Preznit in Germany?

But what of the eerie absence of the population of Mainz, and the cancellation of the town meeting? Mr. Voigt said that, aside from restrictions imposed for security reasons, the invisibility of ordinary Germans illustrated the skepticism felt by a majority of Germans toward Mr. Bush.

What kind of security? In Germany?

That is why 10,000 police officers, 100 bomb-sniffing dogs, several German fighter jets and an army tank will be on hand to protect Mr. Bush - sealing this city tighter than a barrel of the local Riesling.

In Germany!

I mean, never mind his shameful bolting to a deep, deep underground NORAD shelter on September 11th, the day that made him awesome, Bush is too afraid to be exposed to people in London, or Mainz, or in Canada. Is Bush the biggest pussy who ever resided in the White House or what???

Christ, what a chickenshit. How embarrassing for us all.

I was no fan of Reagan. I thought he was dumb and mean. But, I have to say, at least Reagan wasn't a coward. I mean, shit, Reagan even got shot, and he wasn't as terrified of being in public as Bush.

What a fucking sissy.

Bonds Just Sick Of These Ridiculous Steroid Questions

Feb. 23, 2005 - Defiant and all over the map, Barry Bonds dodged the steroids topic as much as he could and instead took shots at Jose Canseco and the entire media contingent…

"You guys are like re-running stories," Bonds said to more than 100 reporters in attendance. "This is old stuff. It's like watching 'Sanford and Son.' It's almost comical, basically. ... Are you guys jealous, upset, disappointed, what?"

Well, Barry, it might be like watching "Sanford and Son". Except maybe I missed that episode where the size and shape of Lamont’s skull actually changed. Or the one where Rollo packed on thirty pounds of muscle in six weeks.

Bonds said the key to his continued success and strength, even in the later years of his career, has been "hard work, that's about it."

Hmmm. Hard work, huh?

Human Sized Bonds not working hard.

Garbage Dumpster Sized Bonds working hard.

Weird. Because, as we all know, Bonds previously attributed his massive late thirties growth spurt to broccoli intake.

Left Side: Not Enough Broccoli!
Right Side: Just Enough Broccoli.

Maybe it’s just a matter of asking Barry the right question.

Hey, Barry, just exactly what exercise is it that bulks up your skull? What’s that work out plan called?

Cranercize? What do you do, some skull flies? Barry, how much have you been benching with your eyebrows?

Great athletes are often icons of the times in which they live. Surely, Barry is the athlete of the Bush years--a great big, whining, petulant, smirking, cheating bullshitter.

Oh, That Liberal Media!

WIESBADEN , Germany, Feb. 23 - President Bush said today that he and the Germans, British and French had discussed a series of negotiating tactics to try to get Iran to give up its suspected nuclear weapons program, but he gave no indication that the United States would directly join the talks and declared that Iran, not the White House, should be blamed for any lack of progress.

So the gist of this story is that the United States refuses to join with Europe in talks with Iran, right? The United States—the Bush administration—strongly disagrees with Europe over how to deal with Iran.

And what’s the headline?

Bush Says United Front Is Essential to Curb Iran

Christ, Bush would almost be funny, if he weren’t like some idiot telling fat jokes at a Weight Watchers meeting.

The Great Diplomat Secures Support United States Already Has

BRUSSELS , Belgium (CNN) -- NATO leaders agreed Tuesday to help the United States train Iraqi forces, President Bush said at the latest stop on his three-nation tour of Europe.

I dunno. I don’t want to be relentlessly negative, you know, just for the sake of being negative, but…

Didn’t NATO already agree to this?

Like a year ago?