BottleOfBlog

Sorry, Erwin, You Don't Know What You're Talking About

I know, I know, you've spent a year or so in Iraq, and there have been no WMDs, and no terrorist ties.  But, Erwin, you have no idea what you're talking about!  You should be happy to be in Iraq, or you should just shut the fuck up.  If you don't think so, just ask "Bob Dole", who sent me this email tonight: From: Bob Dole

Date: January 30, 2005 11:54:53 PM EST To: ricky Subject: your blog Listen here college boy, I'm an American soldier in the United States Marine Corps and I don't like your mouth. President Bush is our Commander-in-Chief and we follow his orders. You mocking him does not help our cause at all and does not save any lives. If anything all you little bastards talking shit are causing more and more soldiers to come home in body bags. You little neo-hippy pricks talk about how this is Vietnam 2. The only thing similar to this war and vietnam is that a bunch of little pussy fags are afraid they might get drafted and get their hands dirty in a real man's job so they have to run out on the streets and wave their little signs. Don't worry about us soldiers you little cock sucker, we can take care of ourselves just fine without you. Go back to your bong and just shut the fuck up. Sure, sure, it's kind of stupid.  I mean, first of all, I haven't been in college for a long time.  And I'm a little long in the tooth to be worried about the draft.  Also, I'm a white collar professional from suburban Connecticut, and, I think, if you knew what my profession was, you'd be hard pressed to call me a hippy.  And I've never sucked a cock.  So, there's that, as well. Also, I don't have a bong--I've never had a bong.  In fact, I don't do any drugs at all--that's George Bush, you're thinking of, Bob!  He's the guy who was face down in a pile of blow for most of his life.  Then there's that thing about the fact that I haven't caused a single American to come home in a body bag, while George W. Bush has caused over 1300 Americans to come home in body bags.  Not to mention that he's caused thousands of them to come home crippled and disfigured. And for what?  To hold elections in Iraq?  Did he bring that to the United Nations' Security Council?  Did he convince the American people that War was necessary because there was no democracy in Iraq?  Hell, no!  It was because Saddam had such an incredibly awesome stockpile of Weapons of Mass Destruction that to wait would amount to a smoking gun in the form in the mushroom cloud over Manhattan! Also, Saddam was cavorting with terrorists! Okay, all that turned out to be not true.  And, we've spent 200 billion dollars on that lie and 1300 Americans are dead, and thousands are crippled, but somehow, "hippies" like me are not helping our "cause".  I'm not entirely sure what our "cause" might be, now.  No one has really made that clear to me.  But that bong I don't have and that cock I'm not sucking is apparently killing Americans!  And it's also apparently made me into a college boy again! Just shaved the years right off me! So, anyway, Erwin, you don't know what you're talking about.  You're happy to be in Iraq.  And if it weren't for blogs like mine, Iraq would be a goddam paradise for American troops. So, you should, like me, shut the fuck up.  Freedom in Iraq is one thing, but, you know, in America, we draw the line...

Morons, I've Got Morons On My Team

In response to a question about the escalating salaries of college coaches, [Penn State President] Spanier explained the school's position on the subject.

"The free enterprise market-oriented side of me says the market's the market and we have to deal with that," he told the group. "...On this issue, because Tim (Curley) doesn't have any loose change sitting around in his budget and Penn State is not going to be able to get into an arms race in Intercollegiate Athletics, our philosophy is that our coaches should be paid a fair salary and we think we can pay a fair salary. But we can't go out and be offering $1 million, $2 million salaries to coaches ...

Good God.

Frankly, folks, in the grand scheme of things, out of all the things a person could do with their life, being a college football coach is an incredibly silly thing.

It’s fun. It brings great pleasure to many people. But you’re devoting your life to instructing teenagers how to break down zone coverage, or defend the option.

And, let’s be honest, these are things that, in this life, really--they just don’t come up that often.

They don’t.

So, I know that. I’m not insane. I don’t really think a guy who devotes his entire life and all his efforts into matching up little X’s and O’s is really deserving of millions of dollars a year.

But, you know, things are what they are. Utility infielders, hitting .220 make a million dollars a year, inner city school teachers make $25,000.

So, anyway, Graham Spanier, the Preznit of Penn State, unbelievably says Penn State can’t afford to pay a million or two dollars a year for a top notch coach.

Beaver Stadium seats over 108,000 people. There’s only one school in the Big Ten—Michigan--and maybe one or two other schools in the country with bigger stadiums then Penn State.

And even last year, with its horrendous record and lousy offering of home games, Penn State nearly filled that stadium every single home game. Over a hundred thousand people showed up to see them stomp Akron, for God’s sake.

And do you know how much a ticket to a Penn State football game costs?

Forty two dollars. Just to sit in the cheap seats.

You do the math—that’s four and a half million dollars a home game. For six or seven home games, that’s about thirty million dollars.

Sure, sure—there are ten or fifteen thousand student tickets which are cheaper. But there are also luxury sky-boxes which are much, much more expensive. And there are season tickets, which require membership in the Nittany Lion Club and thousands of dollars to reserve. Tens of thousands of dollars.

Then there’s parking, and food, and drinks, and programs. There are all those Penn State hats, and scarfs, and jerseys, and sweatshirts—all of get bought, not because millions of people are insanely fanatical about that Psych 101 course offered in the Forum, but because Penn State had one of the winningest teams in the history of college football.

There’s also that abomination of a Nike swoosh that desecrates the perfectly, pristine and plain blue and white. So Penn State gets some coin from that, as well.

Then, there’s the TV revenue. Again, even last year, as bad as they were, every single one of their games was televised. A couple of them were televised nationally, to our horror, on ABC or ESPN. A few more were televised regionally on ESPN. And the rest were carried locally.

And Penn State made some more coin from that.

Then, also, Penn State joined the Big Ten. So there’s conference revenue sharing. This was a big concern to Penn State in the eighties, when they were an independent, and had one sport—football—that was paying the freight for hundreds of sports teams.

Then, finally, and in part because of their fabulous football tradition, Penn State charges more for its tuition than any other state school in the country.

How much do they make off their football team? It’s impossible to know. Why? Because of a neat trick Penn State likes to pull. It goes like this:

Whenever Penn State wants state funding, they claim to be a land grant university. Whenever the students or some citizen of Pennsylvania wants to know something about Penn State’s finances, Penn State claims to be a private university.

They do it with a straight face, and they get away with it.

So, anyway, that’s an assload of money the fans, the alumni, and the students of Penn State contribute to Penn State for the fun of having a good football team.

And, in return, Penn State pays its players, like all—well, most colleges, nothing to put that team on the field. Free tuition. Room and board.

I think that’s a good deal—for the players. A free college education. But it can’t cost Penn State more than a couple hundred thousand a year. Then there’s maintaining the field—which is done entirely by the students in the turf management program. There’s some costs for maintaining the stadium, for the minimum wage people directing traffic on game day. There’s some insurance. There’s equipment.

And those costs could amount to—what? One tenth of one percent of what the team brings in?

Never mind the fact that going to a decent bowl game, something Penn State hasn’t managed to do since 2002—and that wasn’t even that great—will pay your coaches salary in one game.

Penn State can afford to compete for coaches with NFL teams.

And these clowns are now telling Penn State fans—who have given billions of dollars to the school—that Penn State isn’t willing to spend the kind of money any top rated program is willing to spend on a coach?

Do these fucking idiots really think 108,000 people are going to keep on showing up to see 3-8 and 4-7 teams? Do they think people do that just because its Penn State? Do the initials SMU mean anything to these chuckleheads?

Have they ever been to a Rutgers game???

If Penn State fans were spoiled, with forty years of winning football, then Penn State’s administration has become retarded by it. They’re like late Roman emperors or something. Instead of giving back to the fans and alumni who made Penn State, they intend to provide less and expect more of the same.

What are these guys doing? Trying to get a job in the Bush administration?

Good luck, motherfuckers! When Penn State starts drawing 40,000 to home games, Graham Spanier should have to perform the fucking half time show.

What idiots.

Marmoset!

I'm just kidding. This is actually a photograph of Bush clearing some brush in Crawford, Texas.

But it almost looks like a monkey, doesn't it?

I mean, really!

The Usual Suspects

SANTIAGO , Chile - Nearly 25 years ago, Chile embarked on a sweeping experiment that has since been emulated, in one way or another, in a score of other countries. Rather than finance pensions through a system to which workers, employers and the government all contributed, millions of people began to pay 10 percent of their salaries to private investment accounts that they controlled.

Under the Chilean program - which President Bush has cited as a model for his plans to overhaul Social Security - the promise was that such investments, by helping to spur economic growth and generating higher returns, would deliver monthly pension benefits larger than what the traditional system could offer.

But now that the first generation of workers to depend on the new system is beginning to retire, Chileans are finding that it is falling far short of what was originally advertised under the authoritarian government of Gen. Augusto Pinochet…

Even many middle-class workers who contributed regularly are finding that their private accounts - burdened with hidden fees that may have soaked up as much as a third of their original investment - are failing to deliver as much in benefits as they would have received if they had stayed in the old system…

Over all, Chile has spent more than $66 billion on benefits since privatization was introduced. Despite initial projections that the system would be self-sustaining by now, spending on pensions makes up more than a quarter of the national budget, nearly as much as the spending on education and health combined.

So, it’s pretty sucky. Like England’s privatization, as well. It blows. Everybody knows that. This is no news at all.

But--ready for the money shot? It’s classic!

[Katherine] Harris hasn't fully endorsed Bush's concept, saying she wants to see more details. Harris says she's already begun researching the issue, though. She has traveled to Chile, where the state-run social security system turned to private investing in 1981.

"It's really worked well there," the Longboat Key Republican said.

Yeah, that Katherine Harris.

Fascists Strike A Blow For Freedom!

A Denver police sergeant is under investigation for allegedly threatening to arrest a woman Monday for displaying on her truck a derogatory bumper sticker about President Bush.

Dangerously Delusional Bush Believes His Job Is To Convince Americans To Make The "Right" Choices

[Bush] also suggested, three days after telling a March for Life rally that he could see the "glimmerings" of a nation in which every child is "welcomed in life and protected in law," that he was resigned for now to the continued availability of abortion and that his role would be to show moral leadership rather than advance specific anti-abortion initiatives.

"I think the goal ought to be to convince people to value life," Mr. Bush said. "But I fully understand our society is divided on the issue and that there will be abortions. That's reality. It seems like to me my job is to convince people to make right choices in life, to understand there are alternatives to abortion, like adoption, and I will continue to do so."

Hahahahahaha! There you go “values” voters! Hey, he’s against abortion, but he ain’t going to do anything about it because of political “reality”. Just like gay marriage...

What a fucking wasted vote.

We won't even get into the hilarity of Bush, the drunken, coke snorting, tail chasing, bidness busting, ne're do well, guy who never held a day job until he was in his forties, telling anyone about making the right choices in life.

We won't bring up that "thing", you know, with the "doctor" and the girl, in Texas, in the 70's...

But the funniest thing, from the King Of All Bullshitters, is that he thinks his job is to convince people to value life.

This is the former Texas governor who set a record for signing death warrants.

Here’s part of a letter from Karla Faye Tucker, a highschool dropout and drug addict, who killed two people in Texas. She wrote this to Governor Bush, after she had spent fourteen years in prison, got off drugs, found God, and, by all accounts, had been a remorseful and model prisoner. She was asking Bush to commute her death sentence into a life sentence:

If you decide you must carry out this execution, do it based solely on the brutality and heinousness of my crime. But please don't do it based on me being a future threat to society (one of the two questions that had to be answered in my trial in order for a death sentence to be issued), because I am definitely no longer a threat to our society, and in fact I believe I am a positive contributor to our society and helping others.

There are things I have done in here over the years to prove, certainly to others who know me, that I am no longer the same person I was fourteen-1/2 years ago, and that now I can and do help people instead of hurt them.

When I gave my heart to Jesus I had a desire to learn, to go back to school. I did go back. I got my G.E.D., went to college (until they cut out school for us). I wanted to reach out and help my victims, to make retribution in any way they might ask it from me…

My change, my transformation and rehabilitation was never meant to manipulate anything or anyone. My change causes me to live each day for the Lord and for helping others. I have an abundant life, even in this prison, because it is deep down inside of me where the Lord abides. I pray though, that this change will make a difference in your decision, just as I believe a non transformation would have counted severely against me.

In this, I, like King David when asking God, dare to ask you, Honorable Governor Bush and parole board members, to please commute my sentence to life and allow me to carry on with my husband in the ministry of love and healing and rehabilitation in the lives of others.

Allow me, through this change, to help others make better choices and to change for the better also. I am truly sorry for what I did. I will never harm another person again in my life, not even trying to protect myself. I pray God will help you believe all that I have shared and will help you decide to commute my sentence to life in prison.

And the good Governor, who values life, who once said, “When you accept Jesus, it changes your heart”, read that letter, valued life a little bit, thought about how Jesus had changed his heart, considered how Jesus might change Karla Faye's heart, then he said, "Fuck it" and put her to death.

Then he laughed about it with Tucker Carlson.

That's how much Bush values life. That's how much Bush values Jesus.

So, there you are, “values” voters—that’s the monster you put in the White House. And he doesn’t intend to do shit for you. Election’s over, rubes.

I'll tell you one thing Bush doesn't value--Bush doesn't value you suckers anymore.

Bush Praises Killing Americans

A fundamental question also that I think a lot of Iraqis understand - and I do, too - is how do we make sure the Iraqi citizens view U.S. troops as helpers, not as occupiers. And to the extent that a coalition presence is viewed as an occupying force, it enables the insurgents, the radicals, to continue to impress people that the government really is not their government, and that the government is complicit in having their country occupied.

I view that as reasonable. I also view that as pretty hopeful that there's kind of a nationalistic sentiment that says, "This is my country." I mean to me, that's a positive sign that, you know, "We want to run our own affairs, we don't need to be occupied to survive.” -- George W. Bush, Too Stupid To Be Believed, January 27, 2005

Five more positive signs today:

BAGHDAD , Iraq, Jan. 28 - Five American soldiers were killed in Baghdad in three separate incidents today, the military said, as pre-election violence also took the lives of four Iraqi policemen and a minibus driver.

It's Not Easy Being Memed

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a meme. Actually, that's not true. If there are two things I can't stand, one is a meme, the other is the word "meme". Actually, that's not even true, because I can't stand George W. Bush, either, or Condi Rice, or Donald Rumsfeld. Don't even get me started on Ed Gillespie.

Or the fucking Michigan Wolverines.

Okay, so there's a ton of things apparently I can't stand. But memes and their name are up there. But I've been tagged, and by none other than the Spanglemonkey, herself.

Given that, I don't see how I can do much of anything other than submit. She's like a blogger with with a whip. And I'm a degenerate liberal, so, you know, I like that.

1. Total amount of music files on your computer: Oh, gosh, I don’t know. I know they weigh a lot less than all those records in the basement I’ve been lugging around for twenty years.

2. The last CD you bought was:
Under the Mistletoe, by Frank Sinatra. I have a real weakness for crooning. Also, it was Christmas. And it was like two dollars. And right next to the checkout counter.

3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message?
Rule Britania by the BBC Symphony Orchestra. I was in a vendetta kind of mood.

4. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.
1. Undressed, by Lloyd Cole. It reminds me of a girlfriend I had in college. Actually, it reminds me of every girlfriend I had in college.

2. Bad Luck, by Social Distortion. Same as above.

3. Sweet Jane, by the Velvet Underground. It’s a boring answer, I know, but it’s the reason God invented sunglasses. You can’t listen to it without them.

4. Another Lloyd Cole one—Lost Weekend. I can’t think of anything more romantic than:

I was a king bee with a head full of attitude
Wore my heart on my sleeve
Wounded knees
And my one love song
Was a tattoo upon my palm
You wrote upon me
When you took my hand

5. Your Dad Did, by John Hiatt. It gets truer by the minute. Plus, Ry Cooder's on guitar, Nick Lowe on bass, and Jim Keltner on drums. If your dad didn't, he'd be crazy.

5. Who are you going to pass this stick to? (3 persons) and why?

Jerry, Ellen, and Donna. Jerry, because he was once hassled by Bob Dylan, and that’s got to do something to the way you listen to music. Ellen, because she’s the Meme Queen. And Donna because she’s Donna. We can’t hear enough from Donna.

Unless she’s going to rub it in about Penn State. Then she can put a sock in it.

Just kidding, Donna!

Unless you bring up Penn State, I mean, really.

Bush Demonstrates How Social Security Personal Accounts Will Work

"C'mon, c'mon...seven!"

Bush Upbeat Over Bloodiest Day In Iraq

WASHINGTON , Jan. 26 - President Bush's opening statement at his news conference on Wednesday was striking for what it left out: any mention of the 31 Americans who died overnight in the crash of a Marine helicopter in Iraq, the largest number of American deaths in a single incident since the war began…

Though the tone of the news conference was at times light and bantering, in response to a question later Mr. Bush did address the helicopter crash: "Obviously any time we lose life it is a sad moment," he said.

In between light bantering, Bush felt sad.

:(

Mr. Bush's decision not to mention the helicopter crash in his opening statement, the Bush adviser said, was part of a longstanding White House practice to avoid having the president mention some American deaths in Iraq but not others.

"It's almost a policy," said the adviser, who asked not to be named because the president does not want aides talking about the inner workings of the White House, "because if you mention one, you have to mention them all."

And that would suck, wouldn’t it? It would be a big pain in the presidential dick to have to mention all the 1300 Americans who have died for his decision. If he had known he might have to do that, shit, he wouldn’t have invaded that stupid country in the first place!

So, the hell with that. Bush isn’t going to acknowledge any of the Americans killed in Iraq.

Light banter. Upbeat. Try it at Arlington, folks. Try it at Walter Reed.

War's all about perception. Everybody knows that.