BottleOfBlog

I Just Thought Purple Boots Were Pretty Standard In The Wizarding Community

NEW YORK (AP) -- Harry Potter fans, the rumors are true: Albus Dumbledore, master wizard and Headmaster of Hogwarts, is gay.

I haven't been this surprised since I found out Digby was white.

That Explains The Goofy Ears

In an interview on MSNBC Tuesday afternoon, Mrs. Cheney said that in the course of researching her husband's genealogy for her new book, "Blue Skies, No Fences," she discovered that the two public figures share an ancestor eight generations ago…

But Obama's family ties to the Bush administration don't stop with Cheney. According to an article in the Chicago Sun-Times last September, Obama is also an 11th cousin of the president himself. The two share a 17th century Massachusetts relative.

She'll Never Sleep Again

JERUSALEM (AP) -- A man clad only in underwear and a T-shirt wrestled a wild leopard to the floor and pinned it for 20 minutes after the cat leapt through a window of his home and hopped into bed with his sleeping family…

Du Mosch's pet cat was in the bed with him at the time, along with his young daughter who had been frightened by a mosquito in her own room.

Jesus Christ, the girl left her bedroom because of a mosquito and then a fucking leopard jumped on her!

I'm betting she grows up into kind of a "devil you know" type woman.

It Sounds Familiar

A couple of weeks ago, I was peeking in my good friend Karen's Queue at Netflix and saw this documentary on Glen Tilbrook's RV tour of America called "One For The Road".  So I got it and it was great! 

It was fantastic.  The music was terrific.  Glen was the kind of guy you always imagine your favorite musicians to be, all the while knowing, somewhere deep, down inside that your favorite musicians are assholes you probably couldn't stand to be in the same room with.

If you like Squeeze, if you like one single song by Squeeze, rent it.

It's funny.  It's fun.  And, good Lord, can Tilbrook play and sing.

So, anyway, I wrote Karen about how great I thought the movie was and she wrote me back, asking if I had read her original post on the movie.  She had included an .mp3 Glen Tilbrook sang a long time ago with Elvis Costello on an album called Trust.  She was wondering if I had ever heard that song before.

Late 1980s girl frenzy with Ricky in State College, PA.

I think I might have heard that one, once or twice.

The Elvis fans out there will get that one.

Pound, Pound, Pound

A little sweet taste for my very good friend Karen, who sent me a fantastic disc of songs by Loudon Wainright III.

Ah, fuck.  Why jab, when you can go for the knockout?

I already liked John Wesley Harding, but I knew he was the real thing when I saw him once on a river front in a major American city, and a truly frightening storm exploded right on our heads.  Rain was pouring down and lightning actually struck the stage a couple of times and a bunch of goons from Public Safety and the cops showed up to shut the whole thing down because it was obviously too dangerous.

And Harding, standing up on a big metal stage, in front of a metal microphone, holding an electric guitar, surrounded by about a mile of electric cable, all of which was soaking wet, in the pouring rain, with lightning hitting the stage and the crowd, was shouting at the cops who were shoving people toward cover, "Hey, hey, I'll play in this!"

Don't talk to me about rock 'n' roll.

The Measure Of My Dreams

Yeah, yeah, I called Shane MacGowan a big retarded baby.  But, again, I only wrote it because, when he was good?

Oh my, he was so, so good.

You might want to turn this one up.  Loud.  Even if you're German.  Or English, for that matter.

I'm just saying, if I could ever write anything like that, the only way I'd let drugs or alcohol anywhere near my brain would be to preserve it for future generations.

When I Amuse Myself

I just have to share.  I admit, sometimes the neighbors complain, sometimes it's a problem in certain kinds of "theatres".  But I'd like to point to the example of E.B. White to say, "Hey, who's ever heard of E.B. White?"

So, shut up.

The Festivus Gets The Best Of Us

It's like Christmas, only it's all herky, jerky and the ties are thinner.  A special, special thanks to my good friend Elke for this fantastic DVD:

It's hard for me to watch it, particularly the early eighties stuff, and not think:

a.)  oh yeah, that's where I learned to dance;

b.)  the pink socks, the razor thin tie, the big, horn-rimmed sunglasses...yeah, that explains every photograph ever taken of me in highschool;  and

c.) no one likes or appreciates, or has worse taste in music less than the suits at record companies.

They don't get the music, they don't like the music, they call it "units", and, if there's one lousy unrepresentative song on an album of twenty songs, they'll put it on MTV.

That doesn't have anything to do with this DVD.  It's fantastic!  It just made me laugh that someone actually thought it was a good idea to make a video out of "So Like Candy".  People who like Elvis didn't even like that song.

And nobody bothered to promote Blood And Chocolate at all.

Well, I don't make a living doing this.  So I don't have to be stupid.

One of my favorites, herky, jerky, New Wave thuggish--Mick Jones on guitar!  Never released this one.  No video.  And it's just as well. 

Some things are too good to ruin with bidness.  You know, they're better than all that.

Might be money under the bridge.  But I'd bet Elvis, himself, is just about glad.

Thanks, again, Elke.

I've Waited One Whole Year...

...to say this:

Only three more years of George W. Bush!!!

Happy New Year to you all!

I can hardly wait until next year.

Wave A White Flag

The attacks have failed.  Our forces are in disarray and unworthy of being called much more than a hysterical mob, throwing away their weapons, gibbering insanely, and running for their lives. 

The War, I'm afraid, is now finally and irretrievably lost.

Despite our best efforts, fellow liberals, Christmas happened again.

But, on the upside, I got some really super cool shit!  Including:

Yeah, that's right.  My sister knitted me a freaking Gryffindor House scarf!  You know, to wear to quidditch matches, and such.  How great is that?

The Rolling Rock, I had to supply myself.

Not only that, but check this out!

Yeah, bitches!  A Penn State Nittany Lion Santa Hat!!!

Course, it wasn't all gravy.  Once again, I failed to get what I really wanted:

If there was ever a gift that had my name on it, well, there it is.  Maybe next year...

So, anyway.  You take the good with the bad, the sweet with the sour.  I got hats and scarves(and an IPod, too!), and Bill O'Reilly gets to pretend he, alone, stood up for something everyone and their Uncle Bob absolutely loves.

It takes a brave man to side with 100% of the people.  He's like Sir Thomas More, if Sir Thomas Moore had been all angry and blotchy, and full of shit, and totally thumbs up for divorce.  And the right wing nuts who listen to and watch and believe O'Reilly are just like the people who supported Sir Thomas More, if the people who supported Sir Thomas More were all crazy and stupid and cheering wildly when More got his head cut off.

What fools we were!  How could we ever expect to defeat Christmas when it had such powerful, principled defenders?  How could we ever expect to destroy Christmas when we weren't even fighting it?  How could we have been so naive to think we could win a War Against Christmas when we were so damn busy celebrating Christmas???

For like a month.

Well, O'Reilly and the rest of the barking mad right wingers showed us.  They defeated us again, and forced to us to continue enjoying something we look forward to all year.  Those bastards.

With the way the O'Reillys and their insanely stupid right wing followers masterfully identify the enemy and brilliantly marshal their resources to fight meaningful battles, hell, it's no wonder we immediately caught bin Laden, rebuilt Afghanistan, and quickly and cheaply turned Iraq into a secular, western friendly democracy.

They're that good!  They're that smart!  Thank the sweet baby Jesus they're running the country!

Merry Christmas to you anyway, you Godless heathens!  God bless you all!

Now turn it up ridiculously loud and sing it with me:

The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing Galway Bay
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day...

Then, get a good night's sleep.  Because tomorrow?

We start the War On New Year's Eve!