You want to inspire your electorate? You want to pass an act that will cause voters to cross party lines? You want to win a permanent majority in Congress?
Forget immigration. Forget gas taxes and alternative fuels. Forget everything you ever knew or anything you ever hoped to know.
I give you: The Cable, Satellite, and Telephone Consumer Protection Act. It's my gift to you, who have given so little to me.
And all it requires is that cable, satellite, and telephone companies must provide consumers with an exact hour--any time within that hour--in which they can expect a cable, satellite, or telephone technician to arrive at their household. The act would expressly forbid cable, satellite, and telephone companies from telling consumers that a technician may be expected in a two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight hour block of time--for example, between noon and five.
On a fucking week day.
And the act would have severe penalties for cable, satellite, or telephone company technicians who fail to appear at their designated times, on a fucking weekday, causing consumers to have to spend additional time, on another fucking week day, waiting to have their cable, satellite, or telephone installed or repaired.
In addition to that, any cable, satellite, or telephone company employee who implicitly or explicitly represents to any consumer that an adult member of any residence must be at home during any service or installation of cable or satellite or telephone products because the cable or satellite or telephone technician requires access to the inside of the house when, in fact, it turns out that the cable or satellite or telephone technician could do every single thing needed or requested without ever setting foot in the house--that employee may be sentenced to serve up to ten years of having to wait for the aggrieved consumer's cable or satellite or telephone technicians.
Whenever that might happen. During the fucking work week.
It's an act we can all agree on. All Americans will support it. Any politician who proposes it will be sainted--never mind re-elected.
It is, frankly, brilliant.
Don't ask me how I thought it up.