BottleOfBlog

Time To Go, Joe

Never mind your horrendous 55 and 42 record--in Division I football, at Penn State--since 2000, apparently, year in and year out, about ten percent of your team is suspended for something or other:

STATE COLLEGE, Pa. (AP) -- Penn State tight end Andrew Quarless was suspended indefinitely Wednesday for an unspecified violation of team rules, the sixth player suspended in the offseason.

Quarless could be the second coming of Kyle Brady. And, for some reason, he can't walk from College Avenue to Beaver Avenue without breaking six hundred unspecified team rules.

Now, I know, a college football team is made up of a bunch of young guys. And young people are stupid. And young people in college are stupid and they're drunk. So they're double stupid.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

Lord knows, if there's ever a time to be drunk and stupid, it's when you're young enough to be that drunk and stupid and still be able to walk away, fully intact, from whatever it is that you've done.

But, Joe, a lot of your players aren't even doing that. They're winding up in jail.

Like Maurice Humphrey.

Some of your players--good players--are killing people.

So, if you aren't winning football games, and year in, year out, about ten percent of your team is suspended, indicted, or beating or murdering people...

It's not a failure of your Great Experiment.

It's just time for someone else to put the lab coat on.

Rather Than A Good Night's Sleep

I recommend a good fifteen hours of self-help therapy.

Roar like a lion, you magnificent bastards, or get gobbled up like prey.

Graham Spanier Addresses Fan And Alumni Concerns

Here's a quarter, call someone who cares.

Joe's Going To Tear His Playhouse Down

STATE COLLEGE, Pa. -- Ladies and gentlemen, I simply have to share with you the scene I’m witnessing here.

I’ve been in my share of loud stadiums (Florida, LSU), I’ve seen my share of pageantry (Notre Dame, Ohio State) and beautiful backdrops (Air Force). I can honestly say I’ve never experienced as much electricity in a stadium as I have these last few moments before kickoff of tonight’s Ohio State-Penn State game.

The “White Out”-ed student section was full nearly an hour before kickoff, the entire 107,000 in place by 7:45. With “The Pennsylvania State University” awning facing me and miles and miles of cars and RVs out the window behind me, with flashbulbs popping everywhere and some well-chosen tunes (from Living on A Prayer to Don’t Stop Believing -- did JoePa really approve this playlist?) pumping up the crowd, the anticipation just keeps building and building.

The scoreboard to my left currently scrawls: “Welcome to the Greatest Show in College Football,” as a Penn State highlight reel plays on the video board. And meanwhile, I’m enjoying a cup of ice cream straight from the famous Penn State Creamery here in the press box.

Now, the Nittany Lion mascot is standing at midfield leading alternating cheers from each section as the band begins to march on the field. I can’t even imagine what’s going to happen when actual players run on to the field.

And it's like that every time they play at home. Every time. It's the best student section, the loudest crowd, and a spectacle no other sporting event--not even the Super Bowl--comes close to matching.

Well, what did happen when the players took the field?

If The Aliens Get Here On A Saturday

They're going to think Earth is called Penn State.

(Unfortunately, if they got here last Saturday, they're going to think it's ruled by a people called The Buckeyes...)

One Hundred And Eleven Thousand Twelfth Men

We Determine What The Snap Count Is

A White Out is pretty impressive...

But nothing beats The White House.

Is It Just Me

Or has anyone else noticed that Penn State's lock down, shut down, cover corner Justin King stinks?

Everyone Gets It; No One Can Stop It

My old friend Captain Billy points out:

Since 2000. PSU is 27-11 when the D holds teams to less than 17. But check out how other teams fared, Most had only 0-3 losses with a successful defensive performance!

For the Big Ten alone:

Indiana: 7-0
Iowa: 33-2
Illinois: 15-2
Northwestern: 17-1
Ohio State: 52-3
Penn State: 27-11
Wisconsin: 34-2
Michigan: 39-2
Michigan State: 20-5
Minnesota: 30-0
Purdue: 28-6

When you start to actually look at the numbers, it really is staggering how poor our offense has been since Fran Ganter left (and it wasn't that great save for 1994 when he was still coaching!)

But it's worse than that.

Joe Paterno Is A Bad Coach; Jay Paterno Is A Bad Son

Joe Paterno once was a great coach. But he isn't anymore. He isn't even an average coach.

He's a bad coach.