When I Amuse Myself

I just have to share.  I admit, sometimes the neighbors complain, sometimes it's a problem in certain kinds of "theatres".  But I'd like to point to the example of E.B. White to say, "Hey, who's ever heard of E.B. White?"

So, shut up.

My good friend, Grace, sent me this awesome picture of herself with that guy who's sister is totally hot.  Apparently, or as far I understood, she had the chance to get her picture taken with Bill Clinton or the guy who's sister is totally hot.

I thoughtfully responded:

That’s awesome!  Though, I think a picture with The Big Dog would’ve been better.

Course, on the other hand, if you pose with Bill Clinton, well, you gotta put out.  He ain’t giving those pictures away.

I’m not criticizing or judging—that’s the world we live in.  Nobody gets anything for free.

And The Big Dog gave us plenty.  Surely a nation as rich and bountiful in beautiful, healthy, and sexually adventurous women as the United States can afford to give Bill Clinton all the damn hummers the dude can ever require.

Christ, when I was a freshman at Penn State, there was a third string linebacker who lived two doors down from me in East Halls who got blown every single day of the week by a different girl.  And that guy never played a single down in four years. Plus he got a full scholarship.

Bill Clinton spends eight years battling Newt Gingrich and Tom DeLay, Rush Limbaugh, Fox News, about six “independent” prosecutors, and what, ultimately, does he get burned for? 

A blowjob from one girl.

Frankly, if we had it all to do over again, if we had known what was going to happen, Democrats should have raised an entire army of women who would have been more than happy to blow the President.

I mean, what could Republicans say if there was an army of hot Democratic chicks marching on Washington, demanding to blow the President?

And what could the President do?  Refuse?  And face a wild Washington girl frenzy?

When the people speak, the President must answer.

And don’t think I’m being sexist or callous.  Nancy Pelosi or Hillary Clinton end up in the White House, I’m there with my Speedo and a little donkey tail hanging off the back.

I’ve had lousy sex and I’ve had lousy government.  I’ll take lousy sex every day of the week.

And who's to say Nancy Pelosi wouldn't be hot sex?  I mean, she said Bush was an incompetent fool.  I hear a woman say something like that, and that's almost hot sex to start with...

Comments

[Elkit]

Notes to self:
- vote for Nancy Pelosi/Hillary Clinton
- apply for press pass
- buy a new camera
- tap into Ricky's phone/email/secret thoughts so I know when to show up at the White House

[Ellen]

Elkit, contact me first...

[cookie]

Bush was an incompetent fool.

[Elkit]

Ellen, don't worry - I'll blog it before I head over. See ya'll there!

[Jerry]

At least when Bill's testosterone boiled over, he knew how to use it properly. Gibbering War Monkey only had enough to start one of those let's-you-and-him-fight things. "Here's a few of our weekend warriors, under-equiped and under-supported. Bring it on, you sons of motherless goats!"

[ricky]

Bill Clinton was the first American president to leave the government, the country, and the world better than when he found it since FDR.

Eight years of unprecedented peace and prosperity. The greatest economic expansion in the history of the world. A two hundred and thirty billion dollar surplus. American military might was feared and respected around the globe. And in every country around the globe the name of America was trusted and respected.

Bill Clinton couldn't go anywhere in the world without being mobbed by adoring throngs.

And Democrats, instead of canonizing the dude like Republicans did with Reagan, stabbed him in the back, covered their quivering hineys with both hands, and stepped on each others heads to climb in front of CNN and MSNBC cameras in order to be the first Democrat to say, "I have children at home, myself, who I'm quite sure would never in their lives even hear about a penis if it weren't for this unheard of perversion of a United States President actually liking--ewwww!--girls!"

For the job Bill Clinton did, in the ugly, awful Washington he did it in, we should not only have applauded him getting the rare, awkward blowjob, we should have had a little bubble to fill in on our tax forms, indicating we'd like a dollar of our returns to go to Vegas callgirls to blow the President to make sure he keeps doing what he's been doing.

He wasn't perfect. But he worked hard. He was competent. He surrounded himself with competent people.

And, for the most part, he got good results.

And the guy was crucified for a blowjob? How spoiled were we? The American people should have lined up on their knees, mouths open, in appreciation for what he did.

[ricky]

Also, Cookie, that's hot.

You've got a filthy mouth.

And I love it.

Say something else dirty to me. Say something about Rumsfeld and force restructuring or troop deployments...but go slow.

You know, how I like it.