All Your Balls Are Belong To Us

President Bush demonstrating how he would, personally, crush a child's testicles.

John Yoo publicly argued there is no law that could prevent the President from ordering the torture of a child of a suspect in custody – including by crushing that child’s testicles…

President Bush threatening to crush a child's testicles.  This child's testicles were not crushed, however, after the non-partisan Congressional Research Service released a fifty two page report, at the request of Senator Dianne Feinstein, concluding that this child was, in fact, female and, therefore, without crushable testicles.  Vice President Dick Cheney disputed the report on Meet The Press, saying, "It's never been disproven that this female child did not have testicles to productively crush."  The sex disputed child was, instead,  waterboarded to death.

United States U.N. Ambassador John Bolton demonstrates how the Bush Administration humanely crushes pre-adolescent testicles.

This part of the exchange during the debate with Doug Cassel, reveals the logic of Yoo’s theories, adopted by the Administration as bedrock principles, in the real world:

Future Republican Presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani demonstrates the joy of having had your pre-adolescent nuts crushed.

Cassel: If the President deems that he’s got to torture somebody, including by crushing the testicles of the person’s child, there is no law that can stop him?

Yoo: No treaty.

President Bush displaying how pre-adolescent nuts are crushed in a healthy exchange for U.S. financial aid.

Cassel: Also no law by Congress. That is what you wrote in the August 2002 memo.

On Meet The Press, Secretary Of State and former National Security Advisor, Condaleeza Rice, argues that crushing pre-adolescent nuts pre-empts the need for crushing much larger post adolescent nuts, thereby sparing the nut crushees much unnecessary pain and, in the process, rendering them docile and less agressive.  Like gelded horses. 

Yoo: I think it depends on why the President thinks he needs to do that.

President Bush asks Saudi Arabian, whose hand he's holding, if he's wearing a man dress because his testicles got crushed.  Necessarilly, as a child.

Makes you sooooo proud to be an American.  Doesn't it?

Our "President" reserves the right to crush the testicles of children.  If "necessary".

For the life of me, I can't understand why people carelessly throw around the words "nazi" or "Hitler" when they talk about the Bush administration.

(In case you're too lazy to look for it, here's law professor John Yoo, who is providing legal authority for the Bush administration to torture people, actually saying an innocent child's testicles are fair game depending on what the Preznit "thinks".)

Comments

[trueleigh]

Somewhere -- somewhere there has to be a photo of Dick Cheney doing his version of "crushing day".

[Jerry]

For your reference, here is the official US government testicle crusher suitable for use on children and adults! I note that the phrase "...because that would just be plain wrong." didn't come up in Yoo or Bush's discusssion of the matter. Of course, as a former school bus driver, I oppose any prohibition of child-testicle-crushing...it is just too limiting.

[Jerry]

And BTW, let us not think this is so outre as to be an imaginary scenario. More like the setting of a foundation for the defense! Seymour Hersh reported the existance of video of young boys being sodomized at Abu Ghraib back in 2004.

"Donald Rumsfeld, Gen. Meyers, and various senators have described (the video as) so bad as to make milk curdle and children cry. Grotesque footage of the rape of little children and naked, bound prisoners...is somewhat over the top."

Whatever happened to "don't ask, don't tell, and please don't make graphic videos of it"?

[Neil Shakespeare]

Whatever happened to those other Abu Ghraib videos? If there's testicle crushing on there I'd like to see it. Of course there's no treaty against children's testicle crushing. In fact, I think U.S. Children's Testicle Crushing Team is on tour right now.

[Ellen]

Now that he's "secretly" signed the pro-torture "statement" while on vacation, he can still do anything. I think infant testicle crushing is next. They have a lot of secret info.

Jerry - silly - he has to use his hands!!!

[Dick Durata]

Ouch, Jerry.
And I'd like to point out that the President has the power to order a sex change for the little girl, and then crush her testicles.

[Mary]

I put up a post referencing your post. The comment I made earlier somehow didn't take - could have been me in a white hot rage and I didn't do something. Thanks Ricky.

[Tristen]

The USAID picture would be funny if wasn't so true. Nice post.

[Dda]

"Better The innocent suffer then the guilty get away" ..i think some guy said that before ordering the killing all the newborns because jesus could be one of them.

[Fuck You]

Lol, WINNER! Joo win 3 internets, the story neds moar cowbell tho!

[ricky]

That's a keeper.