I read a really funny article a couple of years ago about this guy who was furious because his Tivo thought he was gay.
The guy had no problem with being gay. It's just that he wasn't gay. And his Tivo was constantly taping programs that it thought he'd like, and they were always about gay people or from the Lifetime Channel or things like that.
Every day he would come home, turn on his Tivo, and say, "Just what are you trying to insinuate?"
I've been thinking about that a lot since I installed a new email program on my computer. It works pretty well. For the most part, I'm pretty happy.
But it's got a junk mail filter option on it. And at first, I left the junk mail filter off. Because I get a lot of email from unexpected places and unexpected people. And I just don't trust a junk mail filter to figure out what's what.
I figured I'd rather throw out the garbage than miss something from someone I'd like to hear from.
And, in the past, I've missed a couple of emails I think I'd really have liked to have gotten. So I'm told, anyway.
But after a while, I got so much junk mail and it was so annoying, that I figured I'd rather miss an email I'd like to read than delete all this crap I'm constantly deleting.
So I turned on my junk mail filter, and that didn't do shit. Nothing. So I turned it up a little bit. That didn't do anything, either. So I wrote a bunch of rules for my email--to be sensitive to certain kinds of messages--and I cranked my junk mail filter up to the maximum, and that worked just great.
For instance, three minutes ago, I just got this very personal email:
And a very good morning to you! :)
kate and karen almost naked for the first time
Anal fucked brunette babe
Brunette get public naked
Hardcore bigs tits
Juicy anime babes in action
And that's been going on since I got this terrific email program and it's junk mail filter.
Sure, sure, I could write all kinds of rules to send emails with the words "naked", "fucked", "big tits", "anal" straight into the garbage, but then, again, that would play havoc with my personal email. You know, from family. And friends.
So, anyway, again, at first, I thought this email program was a piece of crap. I thought the junk mail filter was absolutely worthless.
But the more I try to tweak it, the more I try to get it to just delete the emails that are patently obscene and utterly unwanted, the more I resign myself to an increasingly unavoidable fact:
My email program likes this shit.
It doesn't think this crap is junk at all.
Barely post-teens and donkeys, pee flying, and hard core, furvert air humping Disney characters...whatever! My email program is turned on!
I completely respect whatever makes consenting adults happy. In fact, I think the federal government ought to pour billions of dollars into any kind of research to discover more ways to make consenting adults happy.
There simply are not enough consenting adults happy in America.
But this is my email program. It's in my home. And it's a freak.
You should see some of the shit it finally considers junk.