Disaster Monkey Explodes Irony

When the Bush administration decided to invade Iraq two years ago, it envisioned a quick handover to handpicked allies in a secular government that would be the antithesis of Iran's theocracy -- potentially even a foil to Tehran's regional ambitions.

But, in one of the greatest ironies of the U.S. intervention, Iraqis instead went to the polls and elected a government with a strong religious base -- and very close ties to the Islamic republic next door. It is the last thing the administration expected from its costly Iraq policy -- $300 billion and counting, U.S. and regional analysts say.

And when you talk about the ironies of the U.S. “intervention”—because some people might call it an unprovoked and, as we all now know, unjustified “war”—you have to say "one" of the "ironies".

Because, you know, when you invade a country because they have an awesome stockpile of Weapons of Mass Destruction, and then it turns out that not only didn’t they have Weapons of Mass Destruction, but, frankly, they didn’t even have an airforce, when, hell, they put less tanks in the field than, say, Bolivia might—well, you know, that’s ironic.

And when you “intervene” all over a country to fight the war on terror, and you end up making a country with no terrorist ties into a breeding ground for terrorists, well, you know, that’s ironic, too.

And when you tell the American people that reconstructing that country after some shocking and awe inspiring, um, “intervention”, won’t cost the American taxpayer more than a billion or two dollars, and then two years later, the price tag is running at around 200 billion or so, that’s kind of ironic.

And when you plan on withdrawing nearly all of America’s troops within three months of the fall of Baghdad, but, again, two years later, still have 135, 000 troops in the country and estimate that they will be there for years to come, that’s ironic.

And when you fire a guy like Larry Lindsey for estimating the cost of the war at around $200 billion, calling it wildly off the mark, and the war ends up costing at least $200 billion, that’s ironic.

And when you humiliate a guy like Eric Shinseki for saying that the occupation of Iraq would take at least 300,000 American troops, calling it again, wildly off the mark, and then Iraq explodes into chaos and death due to lack of security, that’s pretty ironic.

And when you handpick a guy like Ahmed Chalabi to play a prominent role in what you envision to be a Western friendly counter to Islamic theocracies like Iran, and Chalabi then vacations in Tehran and sells United States secrets to the Iranians, that’s also ironic.

And when you send troops into combat without sufficient body armor or training, and then campaign for president by accusing your opponent of voting against body armor for the troops, that’s seriously ironic.

I could go on. Without even breaking a sweat, I think I could write a book called “Iraq: The Ironic Intervention”.

But I don’t believe in irony. The unsinkable Titanic sinks on its maiden voyage. Achilles gets it in the heel. Hitler was probably Jewish.

History and human experience teaches us nothing, if it doesn’t teach us to expect the unexpected. To hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

You don’t even have to look to earth quaking, history making events to know irony is a joke. Talk to a friend. Pick up a newspaper. For example, recently I read this article:

[Derek] Kieper, a 21-year-old senior at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, died early Tuesday morning when the Ford Explorer he was a passenger in travelled off an icy section of Interstate 80 and rolled several times in a ditch. Kieper, who was riding in the back seat of the Explorer, was ejected from the vehicle…

Derek, who was thrown from the vehicle, was not wearing a seat belt...

In a column written for the Daily Nebraskan in September, Derek attacked seat belt laws as intrusions on individual liberties and expensive to enforce.

Though, this was my favorite reflection on irony:

Last year, 32-year-old Mike Jablonski, a member of a PennDOT sign crew in Lancaster County, was killed. Jablonski, who was installing a "Drive Safely" sign on April 30, was struck by a truck that veered onto the shoulder of Route 41.

Cause of the accident? Inattentive driving.

Though, you have to hand it to PennDot--they pretty much knew exactly where that sign was needed. They were just a couple of minutes too late.

And there are about a million more examples you could find without even using Google.

To me, calling something “ironic” is just another way of saying, “Dude, you didn’t see that coming? What are you, a fucking idiot?”

So, I don’t believe in irony. But even if I did, someone please explain how the Bush administration and its Insane Clown Posse, which has never been right about one thing--from tax cuts increasing revenue, to the cost of their own bills, to global warming, and on and on—being wrong about the new Iraqi democracy is “ironic”

These guys are always wrong. About everything. Always.

Where’s the irony in them being wrong again?

Well, it’s late. So let me know tomorrow, when that turns out to be unbelievably, ironically…Tuesday.

Comments

[Jerry]

Gee whilikers! You're right! Just looked up "irony," and not one of the defininitions comes even close to, "A situation that is exactly what any rational person would have predicted given ample evidence, past experience, and the best advice from the the best authorities would have predicted."!

The closest seems to me to be "Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs", sort of, well, the opposite of the way our esteemed fourth estate seems to be using it. But, really, the catatrophic war, the disintegration of the economy, the rending of our social fabric, the destruction of the WTC really are just some of those "Oops" events. Or would be if the words "oops," "mistake," or phrases like "Whoever fucked this up this bad is going to be severely demoted for this!" were part of the White House jargon. Rather than "Ashcroft, Rumsfeld, Rice, Cheney...heck, everyone makes 'Youthful Indiscretions'! We all deserve a second (or even, unlimited) chances. That's what "values" means, right?"

[dawn]

speaking of irony, or incongruity or something like that... a wise man once told me a parable:

I had some friends who were into spanking and they related a very unhappy spanking tale to me: though, they were quite lucky to find a partner who shared their passion, they sometimes felt sadness over the cruel irony of this world.

It turned out both of them wanted to be the spankee, and no one was really interested in doing the spanking.

The spanking was, frankly, kind of a chore some nights.

That seems a whole lot more ironic that the Bush Administration being wrong again.

Now, why we elected him again.... well, that's ironic.

[Jerry]

Dawn -

I once had a friend who was a naughty, naughty girl, and knew she needed spanking. It was never a chore for me...I enjoyed the rewards. So I don't figure that spanking and then screwing America is a hardship for our current rulers. They probably enjoy it as much as I did. Even more...I didn't get billions of dollars for it.

[jimbo92107]

A lot of humor depends on context, which can be lost over time or in the moral conceptual gaps between cultures. Irony also depends on a certain frame of reference.

The disastrous follies of BushCo cease to be funny (or ironic) when you realize that they are not really trying to do good by either the American people or anyone else. It is not that they are too stupid to see the dire consequences of their deeds, but rather that they do not care.

George Bush and his fellows do not really represent or work on behalf of the nation of America. Instead, they work for and represent a consortium of international industrialists and investors, some of whom are in the oil business, others in weapons industries, still others in construction. For these people, wars like the one in Iraq represent opportunities to reap billions of dollars of profits.

The safety of Americans and the freedom of Iraq from a tired old dictator have nothing to do with BushCo's activities. In that light there is nothing at all ironic about the war in Iraq. It is rather the distillation of cold, calculated, cynical evil. It is a feeding frenzy of capitalist vampires. That consortium is what is running America today. For them, Iraq is a wildly successful venture, and will continue to be immensely profitable so long as it continues, or (hopefully) escalates.

One of the funniest little scenes in comedy featured Stan Laurel carrying a ladder with Ollie, who bends over, then stands up. Stan hits him with the ladder by mistake, which is funny. It wouldn't be so funny if you knew Stan hit his buddy on purpose, or if Stan then beat Ollie to a bloody pulp with the ladder. What we need to realize is that Bush isn't stupidly making mistakes in Iraq. Instead, he is very successfully serving a master that some people are still too squeamish to acknowledge.

Ironically, president Dwight D. Eisenhower acquainted us with this master in his farewell address - the "military industrial (and congressional) complex." Why is that ironic? Because one of the aircraft carriers entering the Persian Gulf is the USS Dwight D. Eisenhower.